copyright © 2002 James Erwin
I’ll
Send A Message In A Butthole
By
J. Lin Erwin
Johnny: Wow! That
sex was great!
Isolde: Totally!
Johnny: Wanna have
more sex?
Isolde: Sweet!
(pause)
Johnny: (wiping off
chin) That sex was even better!
Isolde: I’ll say!
Johnny: Wow! Sex.
Isolde: Hey? Do
that thing again.
Johnny: The one
thing?
Isolde: Yeah.
Johnny: Ic beon
Slim Shady, giese ic beon se lieft Shady
Eall ge oder Slim Shadys bist buton gaefenlaecan
So lusten se lieft Slim Shady lician astandan,
lician astandan, lician astandan?
Isolde: I don’t
find that hot anymore.
Johnny: Old English
is totally hot.
Isolde: Witheringly
geekish pursuits like Old English or listening to Weezer are only endearing in
the beginning of a relationship, when I am convincing myself you are unique.
Now I’d be much happier if you were predictable.
Johnny: I can be
predictable.
Isolde: Oh, don’t
be such a pussy.
Johnny: I’m not
entirely sure what you want.
Isolde: Me neither.
(beat)
Johnny: Hm. (wipes
off chin)
Isolde: Hm. (picks
at teeth) Do you think religion is about comfort or about hope?
Johnny: That has
nothing to do-
Isolde: Yes. It
does.
Johnny: I love you.
(beat)
Johnny: (wipes off
chin) I love you.
(beat)
Johnny: (wipes off
chin more strongly) I love you!
(beat)
Johnny: (wipes off
chin furiously) I LOVE YOU!
Isolde: You’re
ignoring my question.
Johnny: I can’t
answer it.
(beat)
Isolde: I love you.
"I'll Send A Message In A Butthole"
IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED,
TRANSMITTED,
PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE
AUTHOR
"I'll Send A Message In A Butthole"
debuted September 13, 2002,
performed by J Erwin, A Clarke.
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