Glengarry Glenn Close
By Mark J. Hansen
(Mike is pacing, looking around conspic- and spanuously. Ike enters.)
Mike: Did anyone see you?
Ike: I dont think so.
Mike: Good. (Looks around.) Lets see the negatives.
Ike: The what?
Mike: The negatives. The negatives I sent you to get.
Ike: You didnt send me to get negatives.
Mike: I didnt?
Ike: No, you sent me to get ice cream.
Mike: Oh. (Pause.) Well, lets see the ice cream.
Ike: They were out of ice cream.
Mike: Out of ice cream?
Ike: Yeah, so I got negatives instead.
Mike: What?
Ike: They didnt have ice cream, so-
Mike: Why negatives? Huh? Why not why not ginger ale, or, or matching luggage or even Monistat Seven?
Ike: I Im sorry, I-
Mike: Whosoever has heard of cake and negatives?
Ike: Whosoever?
Mike: Well, youve ruined your mothers birthday.
Ike: Why do you always have to blame me, Dad? Why?
Mike: Because youre a lousy kid, thats why!
Ike: Yeah? Youre not my real father!
Mike: Oh, Im your real father, all right.
Ike: How come we dont look alike?
Mike: Because youre not my real son!
(Pause.)
Ike: Game, set and match, Dad. For cry-yi.
Mike: Im sorry, I shouldnt have told you.
Ike: What? Why?
Mike: You werent ready.
Ike: Yeah? When am I supposed to be ready? When Im eighteen?
Mike: Youre twenty-two.
Ike: Dont change the subject! Ive been living a lie.
Mike: At least it was only a little white lie.
Ike: You mean Im not black, either? Jefferson Starship, next youre gonna tell me Im not mute, either. When will the deception end, poppala? Why, I remember a happier time, a more peaceful time when we werent as jaded, when we had hopes and dreams, and a couch with a fold-out bed. I want those times back, Dad. Why cant we have them back?
Mike: Grow up, Ike! Be a man! Nostalgias for sissies! (Fondly.) My mother used to say that.
Ike: Im outta here!
Mike: Dont go!
Ike: Why should I stay?
Mike: You dont want to spoil the party.
Ike: Too late. I spoil everything.
Mike: Thats not true. You didnt spoil the egg salad sandwiches, that was the refrigerators fault.
Ike: You just keep telling yourself that.
Mike: Ike were her only friends.
Ike: You mean she hasnt made any new friends? Why did we buy her all that clay, so she can just sit there and put out her cigarettes on it?
Mike: (Irately.) Your mother does not put out her cigarettes!
Ike: (Pause.) Fine. Whatever. Im leaving. (Starts to go, stops, takes out the negatives.) Heres your stupid negatives.
(He walks to the wall, stands. Mike looks at the negatives, sees something.)
Mike: Son!
Ike: (Turns.) What did you call me?
Mike: I said son. These negatives prove that you are my real son.
Ike: What?
Mike: You heard me. Son.
Ike: That means that that youre not my real father!
Mike: Strewth!
Ike: This is the best news ever!
(They embrace.)
Mike: I love you, son.
Ike: I love you, Mike!
(Blackout.)
-fin-
"Glengarry Glenn Close" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Glengarry Glenn Close" debuted October 20, 2000, with the following cast:
Mike: Ryan Greenlaw
Ike: Mark Hansen