A: Are there any questions?

1. Where were you born?
2. Do I have something in my teeth?
3. Whatever happened to Sarah?
4. What’s your middle initial stand for?
5. How do you like my new haircut?
6. What year was Yo La Tengo’s album, "Painful" released?
7. Where did you get that sweater?
8. Remember the time when we saw that baby dancing with the red balloon on the corner of Lincoln and 76^th?
9. What’s your favorite color?
10. Do you still have feelings for me?
11. Do you miss school at all?
12. Did you remember your keys this time?
13. Have you cum yet?
14. Wanna see my babies?
15. Who’s that knocking on your front door?
16. How do you tell the difference between an orange and a nectarine?
17. Did I ever tell you about the time Lauren Pendergraft almost made out with Jacob Beardsley at Topher Daws’ party?
18. Will you please put two dryer sheets in with the load that’s got my towels and flannel sheets in it next time?
19. If Farmer Brown has 24 apples in one basket and 13 in the other, which he subsequently drops and loses 7 of, and which he loads into a flatbed truck that leaves Springfield, Missouri at 8:47 AM central standard time going at a rate of 65 miles per hour, en route to Providence, Rhode Island, which is 18 hours away, with a total of 4 stops planned at 15 minutes per stop, and if he makes 12 cents per apple sold, what tie should he wear to his wife’s funeral?
20. What will it take to convince you to trim your nails?

1. Yes, definitely.
2. When the sun is _ across the horizon.
3. About seventy years ago.
4. As sure as I am standing here today.
5. The Battle of Hastings.
6. If your mother says it’s okay, then it’s fine with me.
7. Take Burlington west until you hit Riverside, then take a right. At the second light, there’ll be a side road, which you won’t have to stop before you go down. A few blocks on your right is where it is. Can’t miss it.
8. Yeah, I’m sorry. Won’t happen again, I swear to God.
9. Well, you don’t have to take my word for it, but I think EMF’s "Unbelievable" lives up to its name.
10. How could you ask me that? Too soon. Far too soon.
11. 1/2 cup of nutmeg sprinkled lighted over the top just after it comes out of the oven. Let it sit for about five minutes for the flavor to sink in.
12. Try the switch over the kitchen sink. Jiggle it a couple times.
13. The autopsies were inconclusive.
14. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t.
15. It kind of looks like a jar of mayonnaise tipped over and instead of mayonnaise it had tongues in it.
16. Chapter Six, page sixty-seven, lines thirteen and fourteen.
17. Professor Plum, in the Carriage House, with the candlestick.
18. Because it works better that way. That’s the way I was taught, anyway.
19. On the Fourth of July, when I was six, I caught them in aunt Mary’s garden. They had soil and red all over their T-shirts, cuz they had smashed a bunch of her tomatoes. It was so steamy hot and humid out, my glasses were a little fogged over and I had the clean the inside part out with my index finger to see. I ended up spilling my Cherry 7-Up all over them, by accident. I had to clean it up anyway.
20. It’s a lot nicer out, so I thought I’d walk.

"F.A.Q./F.Q.A." debuted March 29, 2002. The answers were given by James Erwin. The 20 questions were picked randomly by random people from a random envelope.

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