Comedy sketch, two roles (one male one female) ----------- Post-Coitus Interruptus -or- I just got dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years without warning or provocation so I wrote this sketch, which is a silly sketch about love and I hope that you giggle as much as I did while writing it in a drunken suicidal stupor. by James Horak LIGHTS UP... (Two figures, a male (M) and a female (F)(duh), have just finished fucking the shit out of each other. They recline under a blanket and smoke cigarettes.) F: Oh, that was wonderful. M: Yes, it was. (both sigh) F: I'm so happy. M: Yeah, me too. F: I feel like I've known you forever. M: It seems like we just met yesterday. F: I don't ever want to leave your side. M: I will never love another. (They move to kiss... she stops him...) F: Mmm... wait... I've got a pube stuck in my throat. (she makes loogie-hacking sounds) M: Yeah, me too. (She hacks for a while, picks the pube loogie off her tongue and wipes it on the blanket. Both sigh) F: Male? M: Yes, female? F: Do you remember the time we made love under the stars? M: Yes... in my backyard. F: Such a beautiful night. M: The light of the moon made everything a velvety shade of blue. F: The soothing sounds of nature serenaded us. M: We were the only two lovers in the world. F: You gently slid your cock into my asshole. M: Yes, and you fondled my balls between your legs. F: It was SO romantic... (Both sigh) M: You know, I've been thinking... F: Why? M: You're right. I'll stop. F: Good. (Both sigh) F: What were you thinking about? M: What? F: What were you thinking about? M: When? F: Just now. M: Just now? F: Yes. M: Nothing. F: You had to be thinking of something. M: You told me to stop. F: But you were thinking about something. M: It's not important. F: Tell me. M: You told me to stop. F: Now I'm telling you to tell me. M: Okay... I was thinking about the future. F: The future? M: Yes. F: Like getting married, settling down, raising a family? M: No, I was thinking about how cool it would be to have a jetpack. F: Oh. (Both sigh) F: You should be thinking about the future. M: I was. F: No, the real future. M: You told me to stop. F: You should be thinking about it. M: I'm young. There's time. F: I'm thinking about it. M: Well, good. F: Why aren't you? M: Because I don't know what I want to do. F: Why not? M: Haven't figured it out yet. F: You should. M: I should. In the meantime, can I put my penis into your vagina and thrust repeatedly? F: Sure. (They pull the blanket over their head and move it around rapidly to give the appearance of wild, amazing, earth-shattering sex.) M: I love you. F: Yes. M: We'll never be apart. F: Well... (The blanket stops moving.) M: What? F: It's just that... M: What? F: I guess I don't want to be in a relationship any more. M: You're joking. (The blanket moves.) F: I'm serious. (The blanket stops.) M: You're crazy. F: I need to worry about the future. M: No, you don't. (They pull the blanket down.) F: I do. And you do too. M: You sure you're not joking? F: Yep. Sorry. (Both sigh. She exits.) M: I don't need to worry about the future. (He hacks up his pube loogie, picks it off his tongue, and looks at it for a moment. He wipes it on the blanket, shrugs, and pulls the blanket over his head, miming masturbation.) M: I'm so happy. I will never love another. LIGHTS DOWN"Post-Coitus Interruptus" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Post-Coitus Interruptus" debuted October 18, 2002, with the following cast:M played by Paul Rust
F played by Aprille Clarke