copyright © 2002 James Horak

Comedy sketch, two roles (one male one female)


-----------

Post-Coitus Interruptus

-or-

I just got dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years without warning or provocation 

so I wrote this sketch, which is a silly sketch about love and I hope that 

you giggle as much as I did while writing it in a drunken suicidal stupor.


by James Horak


LIGHTS UP...


(Two figures, a male (M) and a female (F)(duh), have just finished fucking 

the shit out of each other.  They recline under a blanket and smoke 

cigarettes.)


F: Oh, that was wonderful.


M: Yes, it was.


(both sigh)


F: I'm so happy.


M: Yeah, me too.


F:  I feel like I've known you forever.


M:  It seems like we just met yesterday.


F:  I don't ever want to leave your side.


M:  I will never love another.


(They move to kiss... she stops him...)


F:  Mmm...  wait... I've got a pube stuck in my throat.  (she makes 

loogie-hacking sounds)


M:  Yeah, me too.


(She hacks for a while, picks the pube loogie off her tongue and wipes it on 

the blanket.


Both sigh)


F:  Male?


M:  Yes, female?


F:  Do you remember the time we made love under the stars?


M:  Yes... in my backyard.


F:  Such a beautiful night.


M:  The light of the moon made everything a velvety shade of blue.


F:  The soothing sounds of nature serenaded us.


M:  We were the only two lovers in the world.


F:  You gently slid your cock into my asshole.


M:  Yes, and you fondled my balls between your legs.


F:  It was SO romantic...


(Both sigh)


M:  You know, I've been thinking...


F:  Why?


M:  You're right.  I'll stop.


F:  Good.


(Both sigh)


F:  What were you thinking about?


M:  What?


F:  What were you thinking about?


M:  When?


F:  Just now.


M:  Just now?


F:  Yes.


M:  Nothing.


F:  You had to be thinking of something.


M:  You told me to stop.


F:  But you were thinking about something.


M:  It's not important.


F:  Tell me.


M:  You told me to stop.


F:  Now I'm telling you to tell me.


M:  Okay... I was thinking about the future.


F:  The future?


M:  Yes.


F:  Like getting married, settling down, raising a family?


M:  No, I was thinking about how cool it would be to have a jetpack.


F:  Oh.


(Both sigh)


F:  You should be thinking about the future.


M:  I was.


F:  No, the real future.


M:  You told me to stop.


F:  You should be thinking about it.


M:  I'm young.  There's time.


F:  I'm thinking about it.


M:  Well, good.


F:  Why aren't you?


M:  Because I don't know what I want to do.


F:  Why not?


M:  Haven't figured it out yet.


F:  You should.


M:  I should.  In the meantime, can I put my penis into your vagina and 

thrust repeatedly?


F:  Sure.


(They pull the blanket over their head and move it around rapidly to give 

the appearance of wild, amazing, earth-shattering sex.)


M:  I love you.


F:  Yes.


M:  We'll never be apart.


F:  Well...


(The blanket stops moving.)


M:  What?


F:  It's just that...


M:  What?


F:  I guess I don't want to be in a relationship any more.


M:  You're joking.


(The blanket moves.)


F:  I'm serious.


(The blanket stops.)


M:  You're crazy.


F:  I need to worry about the future.


M:  No, you don't.


(They pull the blanket down.)


F:  I do.  And you do too.


M:  You sure you're not joking?


F:  Yep.  Sorry.


(Both sigh.  She exits.)


M:  I don't need to worry about the future.


(He hacks up his pube loogie, picks it off his tongue, and looks at it for a 

moment.  He wipes it on the blanket, shrugs, and pulls the blanket over his 

head, miming masturbation.)


M:  I'm so happy.  I will never love another.


LIGHTS DOWN
"Post-Coitus Interruptus" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"Post-Coitus Interruptus" debuted October 18, 2002, with the following cast:

M played by Paul Rust
F played by Aprille Clarke


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