comedy, 2 roles, gender-neutral


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A Happy Song About Smiles

by

James Horak & James Erwin



ACT I - LIGHTS DOWN AND UP


JOHNNY:  I love butterflies.  they are fragile and delicate.


GEORGE:  Ha Ha!  When I put butterflies in my bicycle wheels, they do not 

make snapping noises like a baseball card.  They make a wet little puff and 

they're gone.


J:  That's awful!  I love butterflies!


G:  I love hapkido!  Whack you!  (he hapkidos J)


J:  Ow!


G:  Indeed, I am an hapkido master!  Trifle with me at your peril!  Ka zoo!  

(hapkido)


J:  Aughahwah


G:  Egads!  You sound like a woman's orgasm!


J:  A wha?


G:  Yes, I loves me the sound of a womanly orgasm!


J:  I have never heard that sound.  I like the sound of butterflies 

wrestling free of the pupum.


G:  Listen carefully and I will tell you of the sound of a woman's orgasm.


J:  Oh, swell!


(long pause.  JOHNNY listens)


G:  Soo pah!  (hapkido)


J:  Ughawau!


G:  There, did you hear it?


J:  It sounded like a whooping cough!


G:  And this sounds like... hapkido!  Ska pow!  (hapkido)


J:  O!  O!  I can't hear!  You make my legs deaf!


G:  That is a grasshopper!


J:  You are a grasshopper!


G:  You are a butterfly.


J:  I am a butterfly.  I am a butterfly.  I am a butterfly.


END OF ACT I


ACT II - LIGHTS DOWN AND UP


JOHNNY flits around the stage like a butterfly.  GEORGE picks up tables and 

chairs, setting them down in different places.


J:  The butterfly goes through three distinct life stages.


G:  Mastery of hapkido.  Orgasm.  Wet mist on my bicycle wheel.


J:  Yes.


G:  And then?


J:   And then?


G:  Hapkido is the ancient Japanese art of making a woman go orgasm.


J:  Mastery of making a woman go orgasm!  Pu!  Hee!  (he hapkidos)


G:  Look at me!  I am hapkido!


J:  Look at me!  I am butterfly!


G:  Orgasm is the ancient Japanese art of butterflies.


They clap in unison.


LIGHTS DOWN IMMEDIATELY.


END OF ACT II


ACT III  - LIGHTS UP


JOHNNY and GEORGE return to their seats.


END OF ACT III - LIGHTS DOWN - The End & Yes.

"A Happy Song About Smiles" debuted November 1, 2002, with the following cast:

Johnny - James Horak
George - Michael Tabor

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