THE MOMENT
by Chris Okiishi and Adam Burton
3/27/98
[JOHN sitting on bench centerstage reading newspaper. MIKE enters and sits close beside him. MIKE looks at JOHN for a while. JOHN slowly becomes aware, attempts to ignore, finally turns hesitantly to face him.]
MIKE: Hello!
JOHN: Hi.
[Pause.]
MIKE: Hello!
JOHN: ...hi.
MIKE (erupting): God, I LOVE how you do that!!
JOHN (bewildered): Do what?
MIKE: Like, when I say "hi," you say "hi," like we're just so, right there.
JOHN (uncertainly): Oh...
MIKE: Don't you just love this part, you know, the way you can't wait to find out the next thing about the other person....?
JOHN: What are you talking about?
MIKE: I love that about you, you're so inquisitive!
JOHN: I am? ...er... yeah. Whatever.
MIKE: And then there's that whole part where you can fantasize about who you think the other person really is before you know for sure, like, I bet your name is something majestic like Leonardo, or, or--Magellan!
JOHN: It's John.
MIKE: And mine's Mike! Isn't that perfect? Mike and John, John and Mike, easy on invitations, his-and-his towels...
JOHN: Restraining orders?
MIKE: Oh God, you're so funny!! But disclosure is also an important part of a relationship. Like I feel that I should tell you that I'm a strict vegetarian, although for you I'd make an exception... I like starfish, blenders, and those beautiful nights when the smog takes on an iridescent glow on the horizon. What do you like?
JOHN: Well... I'm generally a private person... but, I, uh, I do like cats...
MIKE: Oh my GOD, I can't believe you like those revolting house parasites. [Gasps] Oh I can't believe I said that. [very seriously, takes JOHN's hands in his own.] I am SO SORRY.
JOHN (pulling hands away): It's okay, really...
[MIKE spins around and plops head in JOHN's lap. Looks up at him.]
MIKE: Whew! I'm glad that's over. You know, I really think this has brought us closer as a couple.
JOHN (standing, dropping MIKE): Look, I hate to tell you this but we're NOT a couple. I don't even know you, and I can't say I'd want to..
[MIKE sits up, stares in shock for a moment, and then begins.]
MIKE: I can't believe you could be so cruel. Here we were having a lovely time together. I was getting to know you, you were getting to know me... Look, I'm not stupid. I know we don't know each other well but I was beginning to feel a real connection to you. Who knows, John, I could be the thing you've been looking for your whole life. I could be the key to your happiness. I could be the one person that would truly understand all the deep dark corners of your soul. And now you've thrown me away.... [breaks down in sobs.]
[JOHN sits, watching, realizes he's been harsh, seems to want to comfort MIKE, starts to reach over a couple of times, then finally sets a hand on MIKE's shoulder.]
JOHN: Hey now, it'll be alright... It's okay... Don't cry...
MIKE (sitting upright, completely composed): Don't tell me what to do and what not to do! I'm sorry, John. Or is it Mr. John? You no longer have that power over me. This may come as a shock to you, but I've moved on.
JOHN: What? But you were just... I thought--
MIKE: Well you thought too late, John. It's past tense. Just like us. [Pause.] But don't be sad. We'll always have "hello." Vaya con dios, mi amor.
[MIKE exits quickly. JOHN looks after him, suddenly forlorn. Sits, looks lonely. NEW PERSON enters, sits next to JOHN. JOHN stares at NEW PERSON until he receives grudging acknowledgement.]
JOHN: Hello!
NEW PERSON (guarded): Hi...
BLACKOUT.
"The Moment" debuted March 27, 1998, performed by Chris Okiishi and Adam Burton.