"The No Shame Show"
by Paul Rust
JOHN LITHGOW (Aaron Galbraith) stands down-stage right. CHAZ BRENICK (Paul Rust) stands down-stage left. DANNY BRAXTON (Mike Cassadsy) sits at a table center stage. RAY MARTIN (Chris Stangl) is sitting on the table. BRAD JENKINS (Jason Nebergall) sits in front of the table. ARLEN LAWSON (Arlen Lawson) stands out in the aisle.
Everyone — except John Lithgow - begins with their backs to the audience. They stay in the same spot unless directed to do so otherwise.
John Lithgow (no impression necessary): Hello, I’m John Lithgow and tonight, we are honoring a groundbreaking show… a show that has captured the hearts and imaginations of the young and old alike… a show that has redefined entertainment. This is, of course, "The No Shame Show."
Everyone turns around and faces the audience. When they speak, they address the audience.
John Lithgow: Surprisingly, despite its’ current wild popularity, "The No Shame Show" had a very modest start… in a rickety shack under a homeless man’s ass. Creator Chaz Brenick explains.
Chaz: I was living in a rickety shack under a homeless man’s ass. That’s where I conceived "The No Shame Show." In fact, I remember the exact date. It was January 28th, 1986… the day the Challenger exploded and everyone cried. And as I sat there weeping, pondering my existence, and contemplating suicide, I realized that America needed some laughs. And I would provide them with those laughs… via "The No Shame Show."
John Lithgow: Within hours, Chaz was scouting for fresh, young talent.
Chaz: It was essential that I find new voices. By that time, people had grown tired of sketch comedy shows like "Saturday Night Live," "Fridays," and "The Magic Muffin Hour." I needed new faces. I needed new insights. I needed new faces. So I went where all great comedy begins… the filthy, filthy docks behind your home. That’s where I found Danny Braxton.
Danny: I had just gotten done catching a mermaid… when out of nowhere, Chaz appeared.
Chaz: As soon as I saw Danny, I knew he’d be on "The No Shame Show." He just had that… special something. Clark Gable had it. Noah Wyle had it. Even that picture of a black Bart Simpson flipping the bird had it. I knew he’d be perfect to play the character I developed… "Mike Cassady," the foul-mouthed everyman with a heart of gold.
John Lithgow: Chaz had conceived the character of "Mike Cassady" after viewing the 1963 French classic "Laze Competant." Its’ main protagonist Chezeree, the fool-hearted stable-boy who dresses horses in bonnets, was the inspiration for the "Mike Cassady" character.
Chaz: Yes, yes. It’s true, you trivia buffs. "Mike Cassady" was based on Chezeree. (laughing) I admit it! I admit it! But truly, truly… Danny Braxton was born to play "Mike Cassady."
Danny: At first, I was a little reluctant to take the part.
Chaz: But then I flashed him a few "Danny Glovers" and he hoped on board.
Danny: "Operation Dumbo Drop" indeed!
John Lithgow: Soon enough, Chaz had gathered the entire "No Shame Show" troupe... including Ray Martin as… Chris Stangl, the brash iconoclast with a penchant for horrific images.
Ray (addressing the audience): I’ll give you the count of ten to bleed out my vagina! One! Two! Ten!
John Lithgow: Brad Jenkins as Jason Nebergall, the squeky-voiced fun-boy with a love for absurdity.
Brad (addressing the audience): I’m gonna’ punch your Sad Pirate in the face!
John Lithgow: And finally, Arlen Lawson as Kick-drum Malone, the token black man.
Arlen Lawson (addressing the audience as Kick-drum Malone): This is how crackers dance!
Kick-drum Malone dances like a cracker dances.
John Lithgow: In the fall of 1987, "The No Shame Show" premiered on network television and took the nation by storm. Both audiences and critics heralded it as a "Renaissance of Comedy." Who can forget the hilarious "We Lost Our Keys" sketch?
Danny and Ray stand up and face each other at the table.
Danny: I lost my keys!
Ray: No, I lost my keys!
Danny and Ray (together, looking out at the audience): We both lost our keys!
Chaz: Across the country, people were quoting our show! They were saying, "We both lost our keys" or "We both baked a cake" or "We both tuned a piano!" It was a sensation!
John Lithgow: Unfortunately, like a fox in the winter, interest in the show waned and criticism grew large.
Critic #1 stands up from theatre seat.
Critic #1: I was watching that "No Pride Show" last night and it was soooo bad!
Critic #2 stands up from theatre seat.
Critic #2: I know! One tired gag after another!
Critic #3 stands up from theatre seat.
Critic #3: I heard no one likes the show anymore and no one watches it anymore and no one thinks it’s good anymore.
John Lithgow: To make matters worse, "The No Shame Show" actors had grown unhappy with their star personas.
Danny: It just became so difficult. I mean, here I was having to play this awful "Mike Cassady" character over and over again. You can only do that whole "I’m gay" shtick for so long. It’s as if I didn’t exist anymore. People would approach me on the street and call me "Mike Cassady." If I had a penny for everytime that happened… sheesh!
John Lithgow: Of course, with every dusk, there is a dawn. And in the fall of 2000, a new character put the show back on the map!
Chaz (note: Chaz is played by the real Paul Rust — ha!): I developed this "Paul Rust" character and the audience went crazy for him. It’s no wonder. He had everything — wit, charm, intelligence. It also didn’t hurt that he was a pin-up star. (pause) In fact… let’s have "Paul Rust" come out right now, shall we?
"Paul Rust" (played by No Shamer James Brown) enters from offstage.
"Paul Rust" (joyously): Did somebody say my name?
Chaz walks over to "Paul Rust" and puts his arm around him.
Chaz: You are a wildman, Rust!
BLACKOUT.
"The No Shame Show" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The No Shame Show" debuted April 26, 2002, performed by Rust, Cassady, Galbraith, Nebergall, Stangl, Lawson, Brown.
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