MR. APPROACHABLE VISITS THE COFFEE SHOP

FINAL (1-24-02)

By Brian Anderson

MR. APPROACHABLE sits at a table reading a script, jotting down notes in a notebook, listening to some music from his headphones. He is hard at work.

Enter HOMELESS STEVE, casually walking by with no apparent direction, randomly talking to objects. You can tell this guy is looking for something to do.

HOMELESS STEVE

(Strolls by MR. APPROACHABLE) Hiya.(Walks off stage)(Random external conversation with himself)

MR. APPROACHABLE

(Casually nods, goes back to work)

HOMELESS STEVE

(strolls by again)Hey Again.

MR. APPROACHABLE

(nods, goes back to work)

HOMELESS STEVE

What are you doing?

MR. APPROACHABLE

(headphones off)I’m sorry, what?

HOMELESS STEVE

I said, What are you doing?

MR. APPROACHABLE

I’m reading and working..having a cup of coffee… Sorry..(headphones back on, back to work)

HOMELESS STEVE

That's cool, that's cool.(Pause. Does not leave. He looks around.)Are you a writer?

mR. APPROACHABLE

(headphones off) Excuse me? Sorry. What? I had my headphones on..

hOMELESS STEVE

I said, Are you a writer?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Uh, yea, I do a little, but that’s not what I am doing right now. I’m working and I’m a little busy, so if you don’t mind... (headphones back on)

Silence, except for the music from the headphones.

HomELESS STEVE

(Random internal/external ramblings, but finds something to say.)That looks like a script. You write that? You write that script?

mr. APPROACHABLE

(Headphones off, slightly, but politely annoyed) I’m sorry, what?

homeLESS STEVE

Is that a script?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Yes. It’s a script.

homeLESS STEVE

You write it?

mr. APPROACHABLE

No. I didn’t.

homeLESS STEVE

Who did? Who wrote it?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Uhm..(looks at the cover of the script)Looks like Jonathan Michaels...

homeLESS STEVE

Friend of yours?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Uh, no. I, I don’t know him..

homELESS STEVE

Why are you reading it then?

mr. APPROACHABLE

I have to.

homeLESS STEVE

For what?

MR. APPROACHABLE

(direct)For my job.

HOMELESS STEVE

That's cool, that's cool... I’ll let you get back to work, man. I don’t mean to disturb you. Go back to work...

mr. APPROACHABLE

Alright… Thanks…. Got a lot of work here… Nice meeting ya… Bye…(Headphones back on)

homeLESS STEVE

Well it was nice meeting you too... I’m Steve. (extends hand for a handshake)

mr. APPROACHABLE

(quick, but polite handshake)Oh, okay.(back to work, reading jotting notes down)

homeLESS STEVE

I’ll let you go.. now.(Walks away slightly.)

MR. APPROACHABLE is annoyed he is still here. HOMELESS STEVE has some kind of interaction with the outside world. Uncomfortable silence with the tin sounding music from the headphones.

homeLESS STEVE (CONT’D)

What kind of job you have reading a script for? You a director?

mr. APPROACHABLE

(headphones off. Annoyed, and direct)

I’m sorry! Hmm?

hOMELESS STEVE

You a director?

mr. APPROACHABLE

No. No, I’m not a director.

homeLESS STEVE

What are you then, if you are reading a script?

mr. APPROACHABLE

I’m a reader, okay? I have to do coverage on this script.  And I don’t have much time to finish it. I got a lot left to do, so… if you don’t mind….(starts to go back to work, but gets interrupted quickly)

homeLESS STEVE

So you read scripts for a living?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Yes. Yes I do.

homeLESS STEVE

What’s “coverage”?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Look, I hate to be rude, but I really, REALLY need to finish this....

homeLESS STEVE

Sorry Dude. I didn’t mean to bother you. All I did was ask you a simple question.  You don’t have to get up all in my face, alright?

mr. APPROACHABLE

Coverage is like a detailed book report for studio executives, OK!? Before you ask: YES, I work for a studio, YES I read these damn scripts, and YES I have to recommend if this script, THIS script right here, be it good or bad, is worthy of an Executive to even read it! This one RIGHT here happens to be a really BAD one, ok? And I’m having a really hard time following it. So all these disruptions here, is making it even more difficult for me to even pay attention to. Its not one of those things, where if I don’t like it, I don't have to finish it. I HAVE to finish it whether I like it or not. So please if you don't MIND, I REALLY, REALLY have to finish this--

homeLESS STEVE

What’s it about?

mr. APPROACHABLE

(furious)Look! I will never know, cuz I can’t finish this fucking script with you all asking me questions all the time!

homeLESS STEVE

Hey!--

mr. APPROACHABLE

Don’t “Hey” me MR! Go bother someone else! No, look here...(Digs for money in his pocket, forcefully placing it in HOMELESS STEVE’s hand)

Here’s a dollar. Go FRICKIN bother the liquor store attendant with your questions. No. You know what?

(He digs back in his pocket to pull out more money, stuffing it in HOMELESS STEVE’s hand)Here. Here’s a TWENTY! Do what you fucking want with it! Just get out of my face!(MR. APPROACHABLE in a rage, searches for his headphones, trying to put them back on.)

homeLESS STEVE

Chill man. Just chill.....(quick pause.)I wrote a screenplay. Can I give it to you?

BLACKOUT