Mr. APproachable enters the chat room

by Brian Anderson

MR. APPROACHABLE sits at a desk with keyboard and mouse, facing downstage, looking out at an imaginary screen. All of these other characters are offstage voices, resembling Internet chat conversations.

Hoe-bot 1

(pop up sound)Hi!

Mr. Approachable

(Speaks out loud as he types)Hello, SexyLexi69. Happy Valentines Day! Nice to meet you.

hOE-BOT 1

How are you today?

mr. APPROACHABLE

I am good, thank you. How are you?

hoE-BOT 1

Horny. Are you?

mR. APPROACHABLE

Uh..(pause)Yes?

hoE-BOT 1

Well then baby. Cum check out my web cam, at www.fuck-me-hard.com/Tina. Fuck me special! Just for you sweetie. Only $4.99 a minute!

mR. APPROACHABLE

No thank you.(He closes the chat window.)

Almost instantly another window pops up.

Hoe-BOT 2

(pop up sound)Hey baby! Horny Tonight?

mr. APPROACHABLE

No thanks.

hOE-BOT 2

Watch me fuck my boyfriend on my new web cam!

MR. APPROACHABLE

No.

MR. APPROACHABLE closes the chat window.

hOE-BOT 3

(pop up sound)www.suck-you-dry.com!

mR. APPROACHABLE

No!

MR. APPROACHABLE closes the chat window.

hoE-BOT 4

(pop up sound)Hey! I’m on my web cam. What are you waiting for?

mR. APPROACHABLE

Leave me alone!

hoE-BOT 5

(pop up sound)

Want to suck my cunt? Click here!

mR. APPROACHABLE

No!!! Stop it.

Pop up after pop up begin to pop up faster than he can close them. The following should all be almost simultaneous, overlapping, building up to an overwhelming climax.

hOE-BOT 1 (pop up sound) What are you doing sexy? Come watch my girlfriends and me masturbate for you! Click here!	hOE-BOT 2 (pop up sound) Hi! Watch my boyfriend stick it to me.	hOE-BOT 3 (pop up sound) Want to see me perform oral sex on myself?  Come check me out at www.voyeurs-see-me.com!
hOE-BOT 4 (pop up sound) Want to see me naked?	HOE-BOT 5 (pop up sound) Hi sweetie, Watch Me Get Fucked Now!!	HOE-BOT 5 (pop up sound) Hi sweetie, Watch Me Get Fucked Now!!
HOE-BOT 2 (pop up sound) Do you like to watch girls masturbate?	HOE-BOT 3 (pop up sound) Watch me get nasty for you! Click Here!	HOE-BOT 4 (pop up sound) Web cams in College Dorm rooms!
HOE-BOT 5 (pop up sound) I'm Suzan, I love the feel of soft cock in my mouth growing harder and harder with each lick! Click Here!	HOE-BOT 6 (pop up sound) I'm A Fetish Girl With A Hot, Wet, Dripping Cunt!  Wana Fuck Me? Click Here!

 

mR. APPROACHABLE

STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!!!!!!!!!!

MR. APPROACHABLE pounds on the keyboard, then clicks and clicks and clicks closing all the windows in his silent rage!

Beat.

Rachel

(pop up sound)Hello. Happy Valentines Day!

mR. APPROACHABLE

(without hesitation) FUCK YOU!!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU FUCKING HOE-BOT!!!

MR. APPROACHABLE closes the chat window. Silence.

rACHEL

Excuse me?! Hoe-Bot?

mR. APPROACHABLE

(takes that in. discovers his mistake, recovers.) Uhm. Hello there “RachelIn818”.(pause)Happy Valentines Day! Nice to meet you.(pause)How are you tonight?