Episode two
(the stage is split. Stage right, Mike and the farmer as before: in a truck, driving on the road somewhere between Waterloo and Oelwein, Iowa. Stage left, Old Jake is sweeping up at the Maid-Rite, but he is in a freeze.)
FARMER. (driving) Well, that was sure strange.
(Mike and the Farmer freeze, just like Jake. No one moves on stage. Enter Javert, centerstage, like a narrator.)
JAVERT. The story you are witnessing is true. It is the story of Mike O’Malley. (indicates Mike) A ruthless murderer on the run from the law. It is also my story. My name is Javert. Annie Javert. Waterloo Police Department. It is my job to track him down, no matter what the cost. (approaching Jake) This is old Jake. This is not his story. Jake is dead. Murdered by Mike O’Malley at the Waterloo Maid-Rite last night.
(just then, Jake comes out of his freeze.)
JAKE. Can I help you?
JAVERT. No, I was just–
JAKE. THEN GET THE HELL OUTA MY STORE. THIS IS A MAID-RITE, NOT A FLOP-HOUSE FOR USED COPS! Goddam...
(throughout the rest of the scene, Jake curses and grumbles under his breath whenever he doesn’t have any lines.
Mike and the farmer come out of their freeze and continue driving as Javert exits.)
FARMER. Well, that was sure strange, seeing a one-armed man out hitchhiking in the middle of the country-side, half-way to Oelwein.
MIKE. You know, I used to work with a one-armed guy.
FARMER. Back in Waterloo?
MIKE. Yep, at the Maid-Rite.
(the box shakes)
JAKE. SHUT UP!
FARMER. Wait a minute! If he worked at a Maid-Rite, how’d he lose his arm?
JAKE. ROGER!
MIKE. I’m not sure, it was a long time before he started at the Maid-Rite. Old Jake knew him from before--I think maybe they were in the Army together.
FARMER. Old Jake?
MIKE. Yeah, the guy who owns the Waterloo Maid-Rite. The man is dedicated to Maid-Rite. It’s his life.
(the box shakes)
JAKE. SHUT UP, OR I’LL CUT YOUR OTHER DAMN ARM OFF, YOU LAZY BASTARD!
FARMER. How could Maid-Rite be someone’s life?
MIKE. He lived for the taste of the combination of meats, meat by-products and soy flour in a spicy provocative sauce.
(the box shakes)
JAKE. YOU’RE NOT COMIN’ OUT TILL THAT MONGOOSE IS DEAD!
FARMER. (makes a face) I had a Maid-Rite once.
MIKE. Yeah, I know what you mean, but Old Jake--he'd had that Maid-Rite in Waterloo since he’d been in the Army. He was an amazing man. I really looked up to him.
FARMER. Why?
JAKE. ROGER, FETCH ME MY NECRONOMICRON!
MIKE. ‘Cause he believed in himself and in Maid-Rite. That kind of vision inspired me to take my life savings of three hundred and eleven dollars and thirty-seven cents and a loaf of bread and set out to find America.
JAKE. NOMICON, NOMICRON, I DON’T CARE HOW IT’S PRONOUNCED, BRING THE DMAN THING IN HERE!
FARMER. Well, I for one, am touched and moved by this story of an American business man with a singular vision. Shame you can’t tell me more, but I turn off the road, just up ahead. Hey, wait, look yet another one-armed man!
MIKE. I believe you’re right! Perhaps it’s fate! Perhaps my destiny is in this coincidence.
FARMER. Son, if I were you, I wouldn’t talk like that around simple Iowa country folk.
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
FARMER Sean Clark
MIKE O'MALLEY Mike Moran
ANNIE JAVERT Cheryl Snodgrass
ROGER Todd McNerney
OLD JAKE Brad Schnurr
THIEF Dan Gurler
PAT RAMSEY Bonnie Metzgar
ROGER (2) Dean Schmitt
SANDI Michele Sohner
OTIS Frank Ensenberger
ROGER (3) Jeri Schulke
ONE-ARMED MAN Brad Schnurr
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