You decide to give up on the whole Buck situation, so you head back to the mall to scope out future possible dates.

While stopping to look at earrings at the Clothed Earlobe, you see a tasty young example of manhood getting his ear pierced. You stand around a bit longer than necessary, checking out the way-hip west coast-style ear cuffs. You've always loved the rebel type, and this boy seems to be it. He's the quintessential loner...he's wearing a flannel shirt over a Nirvana t-shirt, baggy jeans, and Vans. You know he must be a unique, poetic soul. You're sure he's your one True Love.

You watch him squeeze the teddybear the Clothed Earlobe provides for its piercing customers, and from the way he looks like he's going to strangle the little stuffed animal, you know he must be sensitive and in-tune with his feminine side.

After your True Love is done getting pierced, you work up the courage to talk to him. You take several cleansing breaths.

"I was wondering if you'd go to the Big Dance with me," you blurt out, a bit amazed and impressed with your bravado.

"What?" he says.

The store employee, who has been eavesdropping, explains helpfully, "That piercing gun is kinda loud. He won't be able to hear very well for a few minutes."

You slink out of the store, somewhat embarrassed.

A few minutes later, as you're drinking a Slurpee, who should approach but your True Love. "Did you ask me to some dance or something in there?" he asks.

Do you admit that you asked? ...or say, "Why no. I said you have a hole in your pants to pee."