Cyril and Owen sitting out on the front porch. Owen is reading the newspaper.
They share a bawdy laugh.OWENDid you see where they did a study, and come to find out 80% of people surveyed consider themself to be “of above average intelligence”?
CYRILThat sounds a bit high.OWENSeems like a lotta folks got the wrong idea about theirself.CYRILWell, you know folks.OWENWork in a feed store, don’t I?CYRILAlways like to think they’re smarter than they really are.OWENLike to think they’re smarter’n the next fella is what it is.CYRILYou got that right.OWENLike that one fella. ‘Member him?CYRILWhat fella’s that?OWENYou know the one I’m talking about.CYRILI reckon I might, if you’d go on and tell me.OWENNow don’t start with me.CYRILI’m just saying, I ain’t a mind reader, if that’s what you’re thinkin’.OWENI know you know who I’m talkin’ ‘bout.CYRILIf it’s who I think it is, then no I don’t.OWENYou was standin’ right there when it happened.CYRILThat wasn’t me. I was down to Clifton that day.OWENOh, that’s right, you was.CYRILOn account o’ the new Starbucks.OWENI must be thinkin’ of somebody else.CYRILSophie wanted to try one o’ them cappucinos, and it being our anniversary and all.OWENTook her to town, did you?CYRILNo, we didn’t go to town till we got back home.
They share a bawdy laugh.OWENThat’s Italian, you know.CYRILWhat? Starbucks?OWENCappucino.CYRILYou don’t say. What about Starbucks?OWENThat’s Battlestar Galactica.CYRILLearn something new every day.OWENAin’t that the truth. Anyway, that’s the fella.CYRILWhat fella?OWENThe one I was telling you about.CYRILOh. That’s who I thought it was.OWENHe sure thought he was a heck of a lot smarter than he turned out to be.CYRILButeonine.OWENNow don’t start with me.CYRILI’m just sayin’ that’s the fella, ain’t it?OWENThat’s the fella. Called me buteonine.CYRILNo call for that.OWENDidn’t even know it was a word.CYRILHe musta knowed it was a word. Used it in a sentence, didn’t he?OWENI’m talking about me.CYRILOh, you. Didn’t know it was a word, huh?OWENDidn’t know you needed a word.CYRILYou got that right.OWENIf I come across a fella bein’ all buteonine, I’m gonna come right out and tell him to his face: “You’re just like a buzzard.”CYRIL“Buzzardlike.”OWENThat’s right.CYRIL“Buzzardish.”OWENThat’s right.CYRIL“Downright buzzardesque.”OWENNow don’t start with me.CYRILI’m just sayin’, it’s like you said.OWENPoint is, we got plenty o’ words right here in plain English, without we gotta go makin’ up new ones in Latin.CYRIL(scoffs) Buteonine.OWENI mean, that’s all well and good if you end up in a emergency room feeling kinda buzzard-like, and you wanna make sure the doctor understands your condition. But other than that? Just day to day? Walkin’ down the street?CYRILOr sittin’ at the bar chattin’ up a fella’s girlfriend while he’s in the washroom?OWENNow I told you how she was dressed.CYRILCan’t blame you for tryin’.OWENCan’t a fella pay another fella’s gal a compliment without we gotta have words?CYRILHow is Sarah, by the by?OWENGettin’ on good. Homesick, time to time. Misses the city.CYRILThat’s natural. Take her down to Clifton, why don’t you?OWENThere’s a idea. Get us one o’ them cappucinos.CYRILExtra foamy.
"Buteonine" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHORCYRILYou know, Owen...OWENWhat’s that?CYRILNow hear me out...OWENDon’t start with me.CYRILI’m just sayin’, what if that was all it was, was a compliment?OWENWhat was?CYRILWhat the fella said.OWENA compliment? He called me a buzzard.CYRILHe called you buteonine.OWENIt does sound purty, now you mention it.CYRILThe buzzard is a noble beast.OWENThe buzzard? I think you’re thinking of somebody else.CYRILDesert beast. Stately. Noble. Lord of the sandy skies.OWENThey eat you when you’re dying, for cryin’ out loud!CYRILNo, sir. They wait. A buzzard will not eat you till you’re all through dying. They’re patient, that way. Polite.OWENI still don’t like ‘em circlin’ over me when I’m starvin’ to death.CYRILWell, what do you want they should do? Wait a couple days for the rot to set in? They wanna get you while you’re fresh, don’t they?OWENI reckon so. Guess there ain’t no harm in that.CYRILThat’s right.OWENSo a buzzard’s got taste. Discretion.CYRILGot a certain buteonine quality.OWENI still don’t see as that fella meant it as a compliment.CYRILYou don’t think so? Something about the way he said it?OWENSomething about the way he said, “Get a dictionary” when I asked him what he meant.CYRILHe was a smug one, that one.OWENHe thought he was a helluva lot smarter’n all of us.CYRILYou got a dictionary, didn’t you?OWENMavis had one behind the bar.CYRILThat old hard-bound “Webster’s” up on the cupboard? That thing is so old, I didn’t know it still had words in it.OWENWell, it did. “Buteonine: Of the nature of, or resembling a buzzard.”CYRILBoy, I bet he was smug.OWENOh, that fella thought he knew just about everything.CYRILBet he didn’t know you could beat a man to death with a hard-cover book.OWENNo, I reckon that’s one thing they didn’t teach him in college.CYRILYou learn something new every day, I guess.OWENAin’t that the truth.CYRIL (musing)Buteonine.
Performed by Jeff Goode & Nic de Armendi
Performed by Todd Ristau & Jeff Goode.
Performed by Todd Ristau and Dwayne Yancey.
Performed by Todd Ristau and Dwayne Yancey
Performed by Todd Ristau and Fred Norberg
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