by Jeff Goode

(TWO PEOPLE sitting at a cafe, reading the newspaper. One of them has the sports section. The other one peruses the front page.)

SPORTS SECTION
Did you hear Alex Rodriguez just hit his 300th home run?

FRONT PAGE
No kidding.

SPORTS SECTION
Youngest person ever to hit 300 home runs. He's on a pace to shatter every home run record in the books. At the rate he's going, they say he'll hit 900 home runs in his career.

FRONT PAGE
Oh shit.

(They sit in stunned silence, contemplating the magnitude of this achievement.)

FRONT PAGE
You know, Adolph Hitler was elected in 1933. He invaded Poland in 1939. It took him 6 years before he invaded his first country.

SPORTS SECTION
When was George Bush elected? 2000?

FRONT PAGE
Yep. 3 years later, he's invaded Iraq. He's on a pace to shatter every record Hitler ever set.

SPORTS SECTION
Hold on, hold on, wait a minute. I don't think you have your facts straight.

FRONT PAGE
What?

SPORTS SECTION
Iraq is not the first country he's invaded.

FRONT PAGE
You're gonna count Afghanistan?

SPORTS SECTION
Are you gonna count Belgium?

(Stunned silence.)

BOTH
Oh shit.

------------EPILOGUE------------

SPORTS SECTION
When was Hitler elected, again?

FRONT PAGE
1933.

SPORTS SECTION
And how long was it before Americans decided to do something about him?

FRONT PAGE
9 years.

SPORTS SECTION
Shit.
"Home Run King" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

"Home Run King" debuted April 18, 2003, with the following cast:

Mike Rothschild - Sports Section
Brett Webster - Front Page

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