copyright © 2005 Jeff Goode

Spider!!

by Spider the No Shame Spider

 

(Two people standing side by side. A HUGE SPIDER crawls up on one of their shoulders.)

 

SPIDER

Hey! Hey! Hey, Vic!

VICTIM

What?

SPIDER

(pause.) Boo! Ha ha ha! You shoulda seen the look on your face! You were scared shitless!!

VICTIM (calm)

No, I’m wasn’t.

(Beat. Spider, embarrassed.)

SPIDER

No, maybe not now. Because you were expecting it. But wait till next week!

VICTIM

What’s next week?

SPIDER

Wouldn’t you like to know? I bet the anticipation is killing you! I bet you’re just dying to find out!!

VICTIM

Not really.

SPIDER

All right, I’ll tell you!

Next week… is one week… from the Friday before… HALLOWEEN!! Ah ha ha ha!!

VICTIM

What happens on Halloween?

SPIDER

Nothing! That’s the whole idea! You EXPECT me to scare you on Halloween, so I’m not going to scare you at all. But you’d never expect me to scare you three days before Halloween!

VICTIM

I kinda expect it now that you told me that’s what you’re going to do.

SPIDER

Well… Sure… You expect it in this piece. In the spider piece. But one week from next week, I’ll be in EVERY PIECE. I’ll be everywhere. I’ll be in Sinclaire’s hair! I’ll be in Rothschild’s pants. In two weeks, I’ll be your worst nightmare!!

VICTIM

Actually, something hairy with eight legs coming out of Rothschild’s pants is already my worst nightmare.

SPIDER

You laugh now! But in two weeks I’ll have you screaming! Screaming! And there’s nothing you can do to stop me! Nothing!! I’m unstoppable!

(Victim swats the Spider. It falls dead. Other fellow notices it for the first time.)

VICTIM

You see that?

(other guy nods.)

There’s more where that came from if you don’t get your hand out of my ass!

(Jeff removes his hand from Victim’s ass.)

JEFF

Sorry. …Hand was cold.

BLACKOUT

THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR



Spider the No Shame Spider in...
[Spider!!] [Spider's Back!!] [Creepy 2: Spider Forever] [Spider Attack!!] [Spider Love!!] [Sqawk Attack]

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