copyright © 1986 Jeff Goode
The Unicorn by Jeff Goode 10/3/86
I hate people.
I don't really "hate" people. I just don't trust them.
And women. I especially don't trust women.
I can't let a woman within thirty yards of me.
It's just that I have a terrible fear that... women could destroy me if I let them.
I had a dream.
I was walking through a beautiful forest.
It was spring. And I was walking through a beautiful forest.
The leaves were green. The sky was blue. The air was cool. And clean.
And then a woman appeared.
She was beautiful... and then she destroyed the world.
She killed me. She crushed my skull and danced in my entrails.
She burned the trees.
And then, just for spite, she polluted the air.
I can never trust a woman.
Except maybe a virgin.
I think I could trust a virgin.
Virgins are so... pure.
I couldn't help but trust a virgin.
Next to other women, virgins are... pure.
I could love a virgin, because...
Because I'm a unicorn.
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This was my very first No Shame piece, performed at the very first No Shame.
It may also have been my very first attempt at a monologue.
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