Card Trick by Jeff Goode & Nelson Oliver

OFFSTAGE VOICE: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…

THE INCOMPARABLE CARD ILLUSIONS OF THE AMAAAAAAZING…

….JEFF!!!

JEFF: Aren’t we forgetting something?

While my apprentice finishes setting up for tonight’s….

The deck of cards???

Because you can’t very well do a CARD TRICK without a deck of cards. …OR CAN YOU?

You see, Magic is an ILLUSION,

A TRICK,

A FIGMENT of your imagination.

It is not… as some people used to believe.

The work of wizards. Or demons or ghosts. Or other supernatural beings.

Sorcery? No. Deviltry? No.

Magic is not miraculous.

It may be amazing. Fantastic. Awe-inspiring.

But awe and amazement are emotions. Human feelings. Created in your heart. They are not supernatural.

SIMPLE BEAUTY CAN INSPIRE THEM.

Canyons and fireworks. Kittens at play. Exceptional architecture.

Childbirth. Trivial things can STRIKE US WITH WONDER.

But we are not ENSPELLED OR BEWITCHED.

We are merely Human. And therefore susceptible to flights of fancy.

Illusion. Delusion. Hallucination…. MAGIC.

It’s all in your mind.

Now, a magician cannot generally be trusted.

So I’m having my apprentice select a volunteer from the audience.

Thank you — HE MIGHT WANT TO OFFER YOU A SEAT

What’s your name?

Do you know my name?

And have you and I spoken before tonight?

Have you ever done a card trick?

Good. My apprentice is going to show you that there is nothing unusual about them.

HE MIGHT WANT TO TAKE THEM OUT OF THE BOX FIRST.

Now you could examine them if you like but we really don’t have time for that now, so if you don’t mind, my apprentice is going to riffle through the deck,

And if you could say STOP at any time.

This is your card.

Now, don’t tell me, don’t tell my apprentice, but if you could show the others.

Now put the card back in the deck, and while my apprentice SHUFFLES…

What was your name again?

And what was mine?

Are you attending any shows at Piccolo Spoleto?

Just this one? How’s it going so far?

Now, I think that’s more than enough shuffling.

Now my apprentice is going to riffle through the cards again, and when you say STOP--

Is this your card?

Let me try that again. As my apprentice riffles through. If you could just say STOP--

Is this your card?

You’re sure.

All right, bring them over here.

Now you know what caused that trick to back fire?

The Federal Minimum wage.

Because magic takes TALENT and years of experience,

And you just don’t get that for $5.35 an hour.

And at those prices you can get a trained monkey or a dog.

Or maybe if you’re lucky a graduate student.

But do you remember what I said before about magic being in your head?

The point is… The magician is not important.

As long as YOU believe, that’s what makes the magic happen,

And it doesn’t matter if the illusion itself is performed by an experienced veteran or an INCOMPETENT NOVICE

It will SEEM magical to you,

Because the magic is really happening in here.

In that place that wants to believe in magic and puppies,

And summer walks on the beach.

And doesn’t want to think about your parents divorce,

And your abusive step father,

And your botched suicide attempts.

And the fact that you dropped out of school to drink beer and smoke cigarettes,

And you didn’t get a diploma and so now you wander from job to job. Messing up at everything you do, no matter how many breaks you get.

Because everyone who tries to help you gets this in repayment.

Messing up THEIR jobs so now they regret ever having taken you in in the first place!

Oh my God!

He’s okay. Ignore him.

Because it is by ignoring the bad things.

And pretending they didn’t happen.

That’s how magic happens.

What was your card?

She tells him. He repeats it for the rest of the audience.

And have I touched that deck since the beginning of this trick?

q.v. Card Trick (11/13/95) by Jeff Goode