Mark: This is a story my brother wrote called Keith Goes East. I like it. Okay? Here we go. Keith Goes East, Chapter One. One day, Keith and his dad were riding bare back. Keith could spot bear tracks even if he didn't want to.
Keith: Hey. There are some bear tracks.
Mark: Keith and his dad grabed guns. They walked very quietly.
(Keith and Dad tiptoe up to the bear.)
Dad: There he is.
Mark: Whispered Keithís dad.
(Keith and Dad aim their guns.)
Mark: Bang. They missed. They shot again. They hit him.
(Bear falls to the ground.)
Mark: But he was a robot.
(Bear gets up again, imitates robot.)
Mark: They chased it.
(Keith and Dad chase Bear around the stage.)
Mark: All of a sudden it blew up.
(Bear makes explosion noise and runs off stage.)
Mark: Keithís dad blew up too.
(Dad makes explosion noise and runs off stage.)
Mark: Keith started whining.
Keith: Aww, man!
Mark: When he was finished whining, he got a kleenex and blew his nose. Chapter Two. Keith became tired of walking.
(Keith hears this, gets up quickly and runs to the other side of the stage to act like he has walked a long distance.)
Mark: He sat down to rest.
Keith: (Sitting.) Whew!
Mark: He drank some water.
(Keith looks around for the water heís supposed to be drinking.)
Voice: Hey, that's mine!
Mark: A voice said. Keith turned around and shot his gun.
Keith: Who's there?
Mark: Keith asked, in a quevering voice. No one answered. Keith got up and ran. He ran for a long time.
(Keith runs in place.)
Mark: Finally he stopped. He was in a clearing in the woods.
Keith: Iíll camp here.
Mark: He said to himself. Chapter Three. In the morning Keith built a fire. He caught a turkey and fried it for breakfast.
(Keith takes a bite out of the turkey, gives the thumbs-up to the audience.)
Mark: After breakfast, Keith moved farther east. He came to a mountain. He got some rope out of his backpack of stuff.
(Keith takes various objects out of his backpack: umbrella, band-aids, a/c adaptor, chocolate syrup, eagle head, telephone book, and finally a rope.)
Mark: He tied it to his waist. He threw the other end onto a rock. He climbed for awhile and stopped on a ledge.
Keith: These must be the Alpís.
Mark: Arf, arf. A sound came from behind a rock. Keith went behind the rock.
(Keith goes behind a chair, and comes back with a Beanie Dachshund.)
Mark: There he found a black lab.
(Keith looks over at Mark, goes back behind the chair, comes back empty-handed. He looks at the audience and shrugs his shoulders.)
Mark: It couldnít stand up. Keith went and gathered his first-aid kit.
(Keith picks up the box of band-aids.)
Mark: Chapter Four. After Keith helped the dog he named Jenny. (He stops, reads this over again.) He caught a rabbit and fried it.
Mark: Later he heard a sound in the bush.
(Pause. Mark and Keith look off stage. After a moment, Dad coughs loudly.)
Keith: Whoís there?
Dad: Itís your dad.
Mark: The voice said. Keith turned around. It was his dad!!
(Keith turns around, heís no longer facing Dad, so he turns around again. They embrace.)
Mark: That night they had chicken.
(Keith and Dad smile approvingly at the audience.)
Mark: They watched the stars. In the morning the headed home.
(Keith and Dad point out the stars. Fade out.)"KEITH GOES EAST" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Keith Goes East" was first performed on 10/23/98 and at Best of No Shame on 12/11/98.