(3 folks stand spaced out on stage. They should deliver their lines rapidly.)
One: He’s founded the Fundamentalist school of Music, delivered groceries for the mentally
ill, given haircuts to the poor, and is a firm believer in the unbelieving. He’s Jack Jackson. The
next time there’s an election, vote for Jack, because a great mind thinks alike.
Two: Are you poor, hungry, uneducated? Well, you can be. Take my course, Five Steps to
Unhappiness. In just five days, you can forget everything you learned, lose all your money, stop
eating forever and forget everything you learned. Just send all your money, food and books to
Marty Pibb, box 7, Anyplace, USA. Take it from me, my poor arithmetic is my two best friends.
Three: Coming soon to a cinema nearest you. A powerful drama from the famed spitalian
director Fettucine Filipino, The Bicycle Thief Repairman. A haunting allegory that is both
allegorical and haunting, says the New World Review of the New World. It’s the portrait of an
artist as a zygote attempting to fit in with a dangerous and uncaring society of the future. Roger
Edinborough called it the best subtitled film released this weekend. See it for yourself and agree.
Now shooting at the Anyplace Drive-By Gallery and Pretension Exchange.
One: Tired of selling your kingdom for a horse? Come to Richard the Third’s Tomorrow
and Tomorrow and Tomorrow sale, three days only.
Two: Hi, I’m not an actor, but I play one on t.v.
Three: It’s the new fruity Existentialist snack- Raisin D’_tre.
One: Dial this number now. 96,000.
Two: We would like to observe a moment of silence for the deaf.
Three: It’s the incredible edible Oedipal complex.
One: And now, back to your regularly scheduled program.
(Blackout.)
"Commercial Attack" debuted 2/12/99.Performed at Best of No Shame on 4/30/99.
Library]
