AMERICA
I am America, land of the free.
LIBERTY
And we only had to kill and subjugate four or five million Native Americans to do it.
TRUTH
It wasnt completely free, I mean, we had to give some of the little buckskin-wearing buggers a bunch of shiny beads and whiskey, I think it set us back about three bucks or so, just for Manhattan alone. So it wasnt THAT free.
JUSTICE
Land of the free, but not land of the free health insurance, that canker sore on your face, thats going to cost you.
AMERICA
I am America, where all men are created equal.
LIBERTY
And women get to do the dishes.
TRUTH
America, where it took only two hundred years for a civil rights movement, a movement that met with much resistance, in fact there are people in office as we speak who still doubt that it was a good idea.
JUSTICE
In fact, some elected officials think that Strom Thurmond retired far too early.
LIBERTY
Even though hes dead.
AMERICA
I am America, where the separation of Church and State is the law and freedom of religion is sacred.
JUSTICE
As long as you pagan pig-fuckers remember that we are one Nation, UNDER GOD, thats what it says in the Pledge of Allegiance and dont you fucking forget it. UNDER GOD.
TRUTH
You have the freedom to believe what you want as long as you believe in Jesus.
LIBERTY
And please keep in mind that Jesus was white, blond and blue-eyed.
JUSTICE
I dont care where he was born, hes the son of God, he had to be white, dont give me any of this garbage that there werent any white people in the Middle East back then because I dont give a good crap. Americas Jesus is WHITE.
AMERICA
I am America, where any child can grow up to be President someday.
JUSTICE
As long as hes either a Republican or Democrat, reads the bible every day, comes from family money and attended an Ivy league school where he was able to achieve at least a "C" average, then he can be President.
LIBERTY
And as long as HE is a HE and not a SHE, then your child can be president.
TRUTH
Our corporate sponsors tell us that were not going to be ready for a female President for quite some time, HOWEVER, in forty or fifty years we could very well see a Jewish President (because they believe in God, too) or maybe, just maybe, even a black President.
LIBERTY
As long he or she only looks black, but is still able to think rich and white, i.e. Condoleeza Rice.
AMERICA
I am America, where every vote counts.
TRUTH
They do COUNT the votes.
LIBERTY
They dont mean anything, but they do COUNT them.
JUSTICE
Your vote does count, unless one of the candidates is the son of a previous president who also ran the CIA and therefore knows where a lot of bodies are buried, than that counts more than your vote counts.
TRUTH
And if one of the candidates is related to a Governor of a swing state, then that counts more than your vote counts.
LIBERTY
And if one of the candidates happens to be VERY good friends with the guy that owns the machines that counts the votes all across the country, then that counts more than anything else counts.
AMERICA
I am America, where freedom of speech is guaranteed.
JUSTICE
Hey, its America, you can say what you want. Now shut the fuck up.
TRUTH
You can say what you want. Just be careful of what youre saying.
LIBERTY
And who youre saying it to.
JUSTICE
And dont criticize our leaders, regardless of how badly they may read the teleprompter or how poorly they equip our troops.
TRUTH
And dont burn the flag, let it touch the ground or turn your back on it.
LIBERTY
You can protest in America, just dont protest about America.
AMERICA
I am America, and I support the spread of democracy around the world.
TRUTH
Except in Saudi Arabia, China, Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, Taiwan, Tibet, most of Central and South America and parts of Africa.
LIBERTY
And Texas.
JUSTICE
We make too much money there to bother with democracy.
AMERICA
I am America, and I fight for those that cannot fight for themselves.
TRUTH
Except in Saudi Arabia, China, Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, Taiwan, Tibet, most of Central and South America and parts of Africa.
LIBERTY
And Texas.
JUSTICE
We make too much money there to bother with human rights.
AMERICA
I am America and I invaded Iraq to bring freedom to the Iraqi people.
JUSTICE
There was a lot of money being made there and we werent seeing one red cent of it. Not only that, that Saddam was an evil prick. He imprisoned, tortured and killed his own people.
TRUTH
He cant do that to his people.
LIBERY
Only we can do that to his people.
AMERICA
I am America, and every citizen of America has the inalienable right to freedom, life and pursuit of happiness.
TRUTH
Unless youre poor and you need health-care.
LIBERTY
Unless youre a woman and you want equal pay and opportunities.
JUSTICE
Unless youre a homo and you want to serve in the armed forces or get married.
TRUTH
Unless youre neither a Republican or a Democrat and yet would still like to be represented by Congress.
LIBERTY
Unless youre over the age of sixty-five and you need affordable prescription medication.
JUSTICE
Unless you refuse to believe in God.
TRUTH
Unless youre eighteen years old, able to get drafted but not able to get a drink in a bar.
JUSTICE
Unless you suddenly find yourself classified an "enemy combatant".
TRUTH
Unless youre lacking in corporate sponsorship.
LIBERTY
Unless youre in Texas.
AMERICA
I am America, and I am at War.
JUSTICE
We are fighting a war for our way of life.
LIBERTY
We are fighting a war for truth and justice.
TRUTH
We are fighting a war overseas to avoid having to fight a war here at home.
AMERICA
I am America and I am at War.
TRUTH
If we dont fight this war, than sooner or later everyone is going to wonder why we havent caught the people responsible for destruction of the World Trade Center and we cant have that.
LIBERTY
If we dont fight this war, sooner or later everyones going to realize just how dumb and ineffective the guy sitting in the White House really is. Sooner or later mistakes our leaders made that cost the lives of Americans at home and abroad will have to be accounted for and we can have that.
JUSTICE
If we dont fight someone else, then sooner or later were going to have to fight each other. And our corporate sponsors cant have that.
TRUTH
We need this war.
LIBERTY
We need this war.
JUSTICE
We need this war.
TRUTH
War is a good thing.
LIBERTY
War is a good thing.
JUSTICE
War is a good thing.
AMERICA
I am America and I am at War.
BLACK OUT.
"I am America" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"I am America" debuted February 28, 2003, with the following cast:
Maggie Bell as Liberty
Dan Brooks as Justice
Joshua Peskay as Truth
Joshua James as America
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Los Angeles), on March 8, 2003. Directed by John James Hickey, with the following cast:
America - Tory Seiter
Liberty - Mike Rothschild
Truth - Jenn Cousin
Justice - ?
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Charlottesville), on March 21, 2003, by Vanessa Brown, Chris Estey, Todd Ristau, and Seth Silverman.
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Charleston), on March 21, 2003. Performed by Amber, Betsy Johns, Rachel Lewin, Hilary C.
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Austin), on March 22, 2003, by Jonathan Morrow, Kate Caldwell, Keely Williams and Wetzel Parker.
I AM AMERICA received its professional world premiere in the summer of 2005 at The City Theatre in Miami, Florida, as part of their Summer Shorts Festival. J. Barry Lewis directed the production.