copyright © 2001 Clinton A. Johnston
Under the Table in Stormy Weather
By
Clinton Johnston
Characters
Cairne — tough girl, 16, scared but won’t admit it
Dr. Eddings — man, 30 and up, suffering phobic
[Cairne and Dr. Eddings sit beside each other at a bus stop early in the morning in Nowhere, Minnesota waiting for a bus. Neither is looking at the other.]
[Pause]
Dr. Eddings
Excuse me. Do you know what time it is?
Cairne
[Short then goes back to ignoring him.]
No.
[Pause]
Dr. Eddings
1:33
Cairne
What?
Dr. Eddings
It’s 1:33 a.m.
Cairne
[Short. Ignore.]
Whatever.
[Pause]
Dr. Eddings
That’s pretty late …
Cairne
What?
Dr. Eddings
I said that’s pretty late for a girl of your age to be traveling alone. You must be 15 … 16 …
Cairne
[Jumping on him.]
It’s none of your business, okay? Leave me alone! Who do you think you are my father or something?
Dr. Eddings
[Cringing a bit.]
You’re very loud.
Cairne
Oh yeah? Well I can be a lot louder. You try to touch me or anything and you’ll see how loud I can get!
Dr. Eddings
[Cringing fit. Terrified.]
No! No! No! No!
Cairne
What the hell? Hey! Calm down! Calm down!
[Tries to calm him.] It’s okay. It’s okay. What the hell’s wrong with you? Was that some kind of act?[Eddings takes out some pills and takes them.]
Dr. Eddings
No. I suffer from a phobia. Loud noises can set it off. I’ll be okay.
Cairne
What’s a phobia?
Dr. Eddings
You’re 15 and you don’t know what a phobia is?
Cairne
I’m 16.
Dr. Eddings
16 … still. That seems to be a shocking deficiency in your education.
Cairne
[Pissed again. Turns away.]
Just forget about it, okay?
Dr. Eddings
No, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say you were stupid or any …
Cairne
[Loud snap.]
I’m not stupid!
[Eddings cringes again.] Shit, I’m sorry. [Concerned but not too nice yet.] Damn, that’s some serious shit you’ve got isn’t it?Dr. Eddings
I’ll be better once the medicine takes effect.
Cairne
Is it, like, contagious?
Dr. Eddings
Not at all. Phobias can be heredit … passed down from parents to their kids, but it’s not like a cold. It’s a behavioral condition. You can’t get it just from being around someone, I mean, not unless you live with them for years.
Cairne
What, you mean, like, you’ve got mental problems or something?
Dr. Eddings
Think of it this way, everyone’s afraid of something, and some people are afraid of specific things. And some people, about 18% of the population to be exact, are really afraid of particular things. We call those irrational fears phobias, and they can focus on just about anything from dogs or cats to wide open spaces.
Cairne
No shit?
Dr. Eddings
Some people can’t stand to be in crowds. Some can’t stand to be in close, tight spaces. They start to feel anxious and panicky. In fact, that’s what a phobia is. It’s a type of anxiety disorder, the most common type actually. You’ve never heard of anxiety disorders, have you … obsessive-compulsive disorder? Panic disorder? Post-traumatic stress disorder?
Cairne
You sure know a lot about this.
Dr. Eddings
Yeah, well, knowledge is power.
Cairne
You sound like a teacher.
Dr. Eddings
I’m a scientist.
Cairne
Oh.
[Pause] Where are you going?Dr. Eddings
I’m catching the bus to Winnipeg.
Cairne
Me too.
Dr. Eddings
Oh? Do you have family there?
Cairne
[Not volunteering much.]
No.
Dr. Eddings
Anyone?
Cairne
I’ve got some friends up there.
Dr. Eddings
Must be good friends to wait up for you this late.
Cairne
They don’t know I’m coming.
Dr. Eddings
Oh. Well that’s very brave of you.
Cairne
I guess.
Dr. Eddings
I mean, to just go up there. They could be out of town or spending the night somewhere else, and you would be just stuck up there. I didn’t have that kind of courage at your age.
Cairne
[Joking]
Are you trying to pick me up or something?
Dr. Eddings
Yes.
[Cairne looks at Eddings in shock.] Gotcha! I’m sorry. You gotta’ admit, when you try so hard to be tough, you kind of bring that on yourself. [Pause] I’m sorry I scared you before.Cairne
I wasn’t scared! You’re the one with this phobia thing. What is it? You afraid to travel?
Dr. Eddings
No. I have brontophobia.
[Beat] Fear of thunder.[Pause. Cairne takes that in.]
Cairne
You really are a freak. You give me shit … least I’m not scared of thunder.
Dr. Eddings
Yeah and at least my fears don’t have me running out of Chicago on a two a.m. bus to Canada.
[Pause] You know, running never solves anything.Cairne
[Not loud but intense.]
Shut up! You don’t know anything about it!
Dr. Eddings
I know a lot about fear. I face fear every working day of my life.
Cairne
You’re a scientist.
Dr. Eddings
I’m a meteorologist, specifically a brontologist. I study storms.
[Pause. Takes that in.]
Cairne
How can you do that?
Dr. Eddings
I go to therapy, take medication, and I spend a lot of time under tables, shivering in terror. But I’m a strong believer that we’ve got to move our fears out of our way or they’ll end up moving us.
[Pause] Is it your parents? [No answer. Pause.] You don’t need a doctor or anything, do you?Cairne
No. It’s not like that.
Dr. Eddings
Okay. Do you have any brothers or sisters …
Cairne
[Not mean or pissed, but she’s not going to talk about it.]
Look … I know you’re trying to be nice and everything … but shut up, all right? I mean, what you just said is cool and all, but … I think it’s my time under the table for now.
Dr. Eddings
Well, there’s some bravery in that.
[Pause] Just be careful.Cairne
Why?
Dr. Eddings
See the sky?
[Pause.] There’s a storm coming.[Pause for a minute. She reaches over and kindly takes his hand. They look at each other and then back to the sky.]
[Blackout.]
"Under the Table in Stormy Weather" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Under the Table in Stormy Weather" debuted in 2001, (possibly July 27, 2001).
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