Parking Lot Attack: A Fox 5 Exclusive

By

Clinton A. Johnston

[No Shame 11/30/01]

Characters

Anne Saxon — anchor woman, unseen voice

Anne

Hello, I’m Anne Saxon. Tonight on Fox 5 News, a parking lot attack takes the life of a local woman. For that report and for spiffy images our graphics boys threw together just a few minutes ago, we take you to Lesley Cavill. Lesley?

Lesley

Thanks, Anne. A woman’s harrowing nightmare begins here with her rape and abduction at gunpoint and ends over there, miles away with her murder. Tonight, we at Fox 5 will bring you her complete, tragic story.

We’ll talk to police officers who found the body, police officers engaged in the investigation, and, in a special side report, we’ll talk to police officers who are engaged to police officers who are engaged in the investigation.

Breaking down the doorway of the morgue with a portable battering ram, we will bring you exclusive pictures of the mutilated, violated corpse. As we interview the autopsy doctors, we’ll run their findings past our own forensic experts in the studio. And back at the morgue, we’ll use cutting edge, exploratory camera technology to take you into the actual entry wounds inflicted on this poor unsuspecting nighttime traveler.

These are sure to be disturbing images, so parents may want to caution their children to stay away from the television and to be sure that you have your VCR’s recording our report so that you can rewatch the images during other news casts.

Later on, we’ll talk to a family besieged with grief as they learn their loved one’s tragic fate first, from us, in a stunning Fox 5 exclusive! See the horror that they couldn’t describe but were forced to tell!

For further news, log on to our website and read the shocked reactions of other viewers like you. And see our virtual reality recreation of the crime where you can select both the ethnicity of the attacker and your own soundtrack.

Anne

Wow, that’s amazing Lesley.

Lesley

It’ll do until another celebrity murder comes along, Anne. And speaking of celebrities, we’ll interview your favorite Fox stars to find out their reaction to this horrible crime. We’ll even have a re-enactment with the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Then we’ll go to leading psychics as we attempt to interview the deceased victim herself! What terrible secrets does she have to tell? Can she even provide clues to her own murder? Only Fox 5 brings you this exclusive feature. No other network news does, not even that pansy-ass CNN. Only Fox 5 pierces the Veil of Reality and disturbs forces better left unprovoked to bring you the actual channeled voice of this brutally murdered woman who could be you, who could be me.

We do all this, because Fox 5 is dedicated to go beyond the cold, boring facts of other stations to bring you the excitement, the glory, and yes, the humanity of your local news.

Now with the brave Richmond police officer who found the body, here’s Marty Rienstadt. Marty?

[Blackout]