Ready Yet

By

Clinton A. Johnston

(No Shame Charlottesville – 1/23/04)

 

[Lee and Leslie can be any gender.  At the beginning of the piece, Lee is offstage while Leslie sits onstage staring straight ahead, looking at the TV.  Through the beginning of the scene, Leslie does not look at Lee but at the TV.  Interpretation is, of course, up to you, but I envision Leslie remaining impassive through the first part while Lee is free to get upset.  Though the text is minimal, the presentation should flow naturally with little space between lines.  (Although take the indicated Pauses, of course.)]

 

Lee

 

[Offstage]

Are you ready yet?

 

[Pause]

 

[Enter]

 

Are you ready yet?

 

Leslie

 

Just a minute.

 

Lee

 

You’re not ready yet.

 

Leslie

 

Just a minute.

 

Lee

 

You’re not ready yet.  You said you were gonna be ready.

 

Leslie

 

Just a minute.

 

Lee

 

[Pause for the “minute”]

Are you ready yet?

 

Leslie

 

No.

 

Lee

 

Jesus Christ.

 

Leslie

 

I already said—

 

Lee

 

When are you gonna’ get ready?

 

Leslie

 

In just a minute.

 

Lee

 

You said that a minute, ago!

 

Leslie

 

What?

 

Lee

 

You said that a minute, ago!

 

Leslie

 

Well, I’m not ready, yet.

 

Lee

 

I know you’re not ready yet!

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute—okay?

 

Lee

                                   

[Overlapping Leslie’s line above]

                                  I can see you’re not ready, yet!

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute.

 

[Pause]

 

Okay?

 

[Pause]

 

Okay?

 

[Pause]

 

Lee

 

We have to leave now.

 

Leslie

 

I know.

 

Lee

 

We have to leave in, like five minutes.

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

We need to be there.

 

Leslie

 

Well, I’m not ready yet.

 

Lee

 

I know you’re not ready yet!

 

Leslie

 

Okay, well then gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

Alright.  We don’t have a minute.  How’s that?  We don’t have a minute.

 

Leslie

 

[Finally turns to connect.]

What?

 

Lee

 

You say, “Gimme a minute.”  I say I can’t give you a minute, because we don’t have a minute.

 

Leslie

 

What?

 

Lee

 

We need to be there.  We need to get gone. We need to be there.  Not here.  Not now.  There.  We don’t have a minute!  I can’t give one to you!  We are fresh out of minutes!

 

Leslie

 

[Pause]

We don’t have a minute?

 

Lee

 

No.

 

Leslie

 

[Beat]

Huh.

 

[Pause]

Well, I guess that’s that. [Goes back to looking ahead.]

 

Lee

 

[Pause]

Excuse me?

 

[Pause]

What are you doing?

 

[Beat]

Aren’t you going to get ready?

 

Leslie

 

You said we were late.

 

Lee

 

What?

 

Leslie

 

I thought we were late.  Isn’t that what you said?

 

Lee

 

[Beat]

Well, not so much in those words, but yes.

 

Leslie

 

Well, okay.  Then gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

[Pause]

I don’t believe this! 

 

Leslie

 

We’re already late.  That’s what you said—

 

Lee

 

I don’t bloody well believe this! 

 

[Breath]

You know what?  I’m leaving.

 

Leslie

 

[Turning back to connect]

What?

 

Lee

 

I’m leaving.  I’m goin’.  [Starts to get ready to go.  Coat, gloves, etc.]

 

Leslie

 

You can’t leave yet.

 

Lee

 

Why?

 

Leslie

 

Because I’m not ready yet.

 

Lee

 

Ah-Well, too bad!

 

Leslie

 

You can’t leave when I’m not ready.

 

Lee

 

You can catch up.

 

Leslie

 

How will I know where to go?

 

Lee

 

Should’ve thought of that before.

 

Leslie

 

[Gets up]

Oh come on.  Just lemme get ready first.

 

Lee

 

Nope.

 

Leslie

 

I’ll only take a minute.

 

Lee

 

I’m goin’.

 

Leslie

 

Come on.  Don’t be such a dick. [change to gender appropriate]

[Exits]

 

Lee

 

I’m gone.

 

Leslie

 

[From offstage]

Think of how it will look!

 

Lee

 

If I can hurry, I can just make it.

 

Leslie

 

Think of how people can talk!

 

Lee

 

I’m already out there.

 

Leslie

 

You’ll want for company!

 

Lee

 

I’m already gone.

 

Leslie

 

Just gimme a minute.

 

Lee

 

[Pause + sit down and look ahead]

 

 

Leslie

 

[Still offstage]

Okay?

 

[Pause]

Okay?

 

[Pause]

I’m almost ready.  Are you ready to go?

 

[Pause]

Are you ready yet?

 

[Pause]

I said I’m almost ready.  Are you ready yet?

 

[Blackout.] 

[Fin]