Samantha? Oh, its not Samara? I thought your name was Samara. Damn! Not that it wasnt good, and its great waking up with you. Yeah, it was very loud last night in the bar. Joe, not Jeff. My name is Joe. See, you did it, too. The reason I well, you saw the tattoo on my chest that says "I luv you Samara". So you know. Oh, its good that youre not offended. No. No, it doesnt have to matter. I have spent the last couple of years and probably the rest of my life looking for someone else to date named Samara. Its so hard. If I had known, I wouldnt have got the tattoo. Whats hard? Except for the first one, every Samara Ive met has been a total bitch. More than that: self-centered, manicure-obsessed, Nordstrom charge-card habitual, crying and gnashing teeth if one episode of The Young & The Restless is missed. Oh, the third Samara was the worst! Like the name of the beast is Samara and I have it tattooed on me. If only I could have it modified, change "Samara" into "Samantha". Youre right, no pressure, weve only just met last night of course. (pause) Well I dont wanna make out like I havent learned from my mistakes. I have. For example? The other tattoo I have below my belly button, in Chinese, the one I told you said "Wu Tang". Its actually "Wei-Shan". Thats the name of someone else I was with. See? No, not a girl. A guy named Wei-Shan. He gave the best head in Texas. Sorry. People have their strengths, and. Well, he was always down there on his knees directly below my belly button, so one night when we were drunk I got his name engraved on me. Yes, alcohol does have a lot to do with my decisions. What are you implying? Oh yeah? Glad to hear you have your own secrets too. Hmm, you realize that if you tell me, it wont be a secret anymore. Itll be public domain No! But it feels so real. I cant believe you got a sex change. You look great! What was your name, um before? Oh. Youre right, Samantha is much prettier. Wow, another secret. What is it? Nuh-uh! Theres no way that was your first time. As a woman, I mean. Oh-my-god. Im speechless. Well, did you enjoy it? Oh, that is good.
Now I feel I can tell you anything. Very observant. Yes, the tattoo in the small of my back, the one in Sanskrit, does not say "Om Shanti". It is the name of someone else I adored. "Vajrasattva". My surrogate. Oh, I hate using the word "dildo". I prefer "primary care giver". Yes, Vajrasattva was my first . Beyond my wildest dreams. Somehow I knew youd understand. So, one night during our affair, it was winter and a friend of mine was sick so I went to visit him in the hospital. What? I got the tattoo weeks before and I was stone cold sober when I got it, thank you very much. My friend in the hospital was fine. I sat with him for many hours. Then I came home. (sobs) Where I had left Vajrasattva on top of the heaterjust to dry off a little. And when I came back. (sobs) He was melting. Oh life is so unfair! (sobs) Im OK. Its just that he was a special one. They dont make em like that anymore. (sobs again. the doll is made to hug him.)
Well Id like you to stay the rest of the weekend. But why? You have to get a bikini wax? In January? You look good. No, really. Really you dont look fat. I cant believe you got a sex change, youre such a natural.
(they kiss)THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Ed Malin