"The god Thor visits New Jersey"
No, dont stop, Im enjoying this too much. Again! Put your hands around that big lever baby! For me! And! Money!
Hi, Im the god Thor, and man do I love Atlantic City. It is a place of warriors. Brave, albeit stupid people who will sacrifice all they have for my sake.
And do you know why? Because I am Thor! That is why New Jersey is called the Thunderbolt State. What do you mean its not? Look at its shape on a map. You must be out of your mind.
You have the Giants, which are sort of like the Titans, which are sort of like but why mix mythologies?
The other day I was in Aasgaardyou call it Asbury Parkand let me tell you, I had the worst pint of beer Ive ever wrapped my mouth around. This was yet another compliment. All the Norse gods drink bad beer. Mjolnjir, the town you call Montclair, is also a good place to get bad beer.
Not to mention that Norse gods also prefer dismal air quality reminiscent of the land of the midnight sun. This explains a lot about New Jersey, especially around the Turnpike. The Turnpike was name for me, Thor, god of thunder.
Ill let you in on a little secret. The Statue of Liberty was modeled after me. Yes it was! It was too! I had bigger boobs then.
Now, regarding all the controversy over which state gets the Statue of Liberty, I know New Jersey deserves it at all costs so I have a modest proposal. We will give Hoboken to New York City and in return get the beloved Statue and Staten Island. Hoboken used to be a wholesome place until they adopted as their theme song "Every day is St. Patricks Day in a Hoboken bar". No self-respecting Norseman would drink Harp. Lager? I hardly know her! Anyway, all refugees from Hoe-town who wish to retain N.J. citizenship can be resettled in "Perth Homeboy", the wasteland under the Outerbridge Crossing.
Lodi, however, is a town I would recommend that you stay out of. Lodi belongs to Loki, who is a nasty fuck. Instead, try the mall at Paramecium. Paramecium is the size of my brain.
A man who was sitting at the roulette table recognized me. He asked, arent you Mercury Quicksilver?
My first reaction was, "Why does everyone think Im Jewish?" My second reaction was, "Perhaps hell buy me a drink. Im completely crapped out. And penniless, too." So if youll excuse me, Im off to the bar. Good night!"The god Thor visits New Jersey" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The god Thor visits New Jersey" debuted February 7, 2003, performed by Ed Malin.