The People's Republic of Theatre, Part 1;
or Erin Brown Took the Crown
by Shannon McCormick
(adapted from material supplied by Lee Eddy)

(lights up on seated monologist)

Since I am sitting here in my pajamas and it's 12 noon, I am assuming I accidentally slept through the point of no return. I knew I shouldn't have hit snooze. It's not easy being the yearbook editor. I just woke up and am eating apple sauce from a jar just cause that's the classy kind of lady I am. Now you're asking me to be creative and artistic at the spur of the moment--don't I have time to take a shower or mull it over a bit.....OK. I should tell you that before I woke up I was dreaming. In the dream I was holding a huge piece of cardboard, on which someone had scrawled in magic marker this title: English-language color words which are also acceptable last names.

And below the title the following words appeared next to a daub of appropriately-colored paint:

Black
White
Brown
Gray
Green

I held the piece of cardboard for a long time until a gust of wind flipped and twisted it in my hand and then I was confronted with the opposite side. It read: English-language color words which are unacceptable last names:

Red
Orange
Yellow
Blue
Purple
Pink

My dream is correct. How many Blues do you know, how many Reds? And how many Browns?

Since I am sitting here in my pajamas and it's 12 noon, I am assuming that I accidentally slept through the point of no return. Now you're asking me to be creative and artistic at the spur of the moment. OK. I'm taking the easy way out of this--I'm grabbing my yearbook that's right next to the computer. and I'm turning to a random page. Just cause that's the classy kind of lady I am.

"Sexually transmitted diseases are a major health concern for today's adolescents. Crown, 1992. Every year 12 million Americans become infected with an STD. Crown, 1992. Of these 12 million, the number of STD cases among adolescents has increased dramatically due to biological, behavioral, and psychological factors. D'Angelo and DiClemente, 1996." Just cause that's the classy kind of lady I am. How many Yellows do you know, how many Oranges? I am sitting here in my pajamas. Don't I have time to take a shower or mull it over a bit?

OK. I'm taking the easy way out of this--I'm grabbing my yearbook that's right next to the computer and I'm turning to a random page--I held the piece of cardboard for a long time until a gust of wind flipped and twisted it in my hand and then I was confronted with the opposite side.

The first paragraph I read is your inspiration:

"Miss Magnet 1995. Erin Brown. How many Browns do you know? Erin Brown took the crown. Crown, 1992. Miss Magnet, 1995. Erin Brown took the crown (but we caught her!)! It's not easy being the yearbook editor. One of those gangly girls. Ungainly. Toothpick legs with a knee like a softball in the middle. Erin Brown took the crown (but we caught her!)! Do with it what you will. Women often experience no symptoms until Pelvic Inflammatory Disease begins. Just cause that's the classy kind of lady I am. I am sitting here in my pajamas.

Miss Magnet 1995: Erin Brown took the crown (but we caught her!)! The Pony Express danceline sponsored the 1995 Miss Magnet High Pageant and for the second time it proved to be a big success. New female condom--especially useful for females whose partners can't or won't use a condom. She was one of those gangly girls. Ungainly. Toothpick legs with a knee like a softball in the middle. For the second time it proved to be a big success. Adolescents, especially females, are more likely to contract an STD because they are not fully developed. Cases of reportable STDs are more prevalent in female adolescents than males. The first paragraph I read is your inspiration:

Red
Purple
Pink

For the second time it proved to be a big success. Erin Brown, sophomore, was the winner. How many Browns do you know? Having sexual intercourse under the influence of drugs and alcohol. D'Angelo and DiClemente, 1996. Miss Magnet, 1995. Erin Brown, sophomore, was the winner. "It was amazing how last year's winner and was the sister of this year's winner," senior Natalie Hamilton said.

It's not easy being the yearbook editor. I understand if this is not inspirational-- yearbooks are horrible reference tools for creativity. I am sitting here in my pajamas.

Before I woke up I was dreaming. In the dream I was holding a huge piece of cardboard with this title: English-language color words which are also acceptable last names.

And below the title the following words appeared next to a daub of appropriately-colored paint:

Eddy
Lamb
Crown, 1992
D'Angelo & DiClemente, 1996
1997
1999

Then I was confronted with the opposite side. It read: English-language color words which are unacceptable last names:

Brown
Brown
Brown
Brown
Brown

How many Browns do you know? Do with it what you will. I accidentally slept through the point of no return. Yearbooks are horrible reference tools for creativity. It's not easy being the yearbook editor. The first paragraph I read is your inspiration:

(lights down)
"The People's Republic of Theatre, Part 1; or Erin Brown Took the Crown" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This was a cut-up of an email I got from Lee Eddy, whom I was trying to get to come to No Shame. It also has a bunch of other collaged material from the web-I typed my name into Google and found another Shannon McCormick who had written a paper on sexually transmitted diseases. While I delivered the monologue I had worked out an elaborate routine with a bunch of my old high school year books. Not sure how successful this piece was, but I called it part one because I have this grand design to write a ton of No Shame pieces based on interviewing various people I know. So far, this piece and "The Dream Life of Frostie Cribbs" are the only ones I've written in the series.

"The People's Republic of Theatre, Part 1; or Erin Brown Took the Crown" debuted May 19, 2001, performed by Shannon McCormick.

Appeared at No Shame / Charlottesville on February 28, 2003, performed by Jane Jones.

[The People's Republic of Theatre, Part 1; or Erin Brown Took the Crown] [The Dream Life of Frostie Cribbs]

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