Shaving
by Brian E. Rochlin
(When Carl is seated on stage, a bowl filled with water, a toiletries bag, and other accoutrements in front of him, lights up full)
NOTE: Some words are included to make the meaning clear. They are put in square brackets [ ] to indicate they are not spoken
CARL
(BEGINS SHAVING WITH AN ELECTRIC RAZOR)
My kid is the best. Smart little fuck. Get this. [when] Hes five...asks me what I do for a living. I tell him: Warehouse work. By the docks. Run one of the [fork] lifts. The little man looks at me...says, "Thats a blue collar job, isnt it, daddy?" "Yup. Real work." Then he gets all puzzled and goes, "Then wheres your collar, daddy? Youre wearing a T-shirt." Can ya believe that shit? When he was five. Dont know where he gets it from, cause neither me nor his mom aint no great shakes in the smarts department neither.
I done everything to give him a leg up: Health insurance, regular doctor visits, million dollar life insurance policy on me, dentist, college fund. It meant me and his mom lived kinda tight, which was all right, cause my boy deserves everything.
(HE SWITCHES TO SHAVING CREAM AND A SAFETY RAZOR.)
One time, he broke his arm. Tripped and fell. Didnt have the insurance then, and I had to sell his moms car. [The] One I used to rush him to the hospital. When he comes back from the doc, he tells me hes got a hairline fracture of the humerus, but that its not funny. Then he wraps his good arm strong around my neck and says, "Dont be sad. I love you, Poppa." Buries his head in my chest. Little mans gotta have veins the size of tube socks, his heart beats so big.
And hes tough, too. Little league game last year...I call him to the stands. Fuck the coach. That pussy wimp never played a day in his life and hes telling my kid what to do. I tell my boy its bases loaded, bottom of the 6thand they only play six in little leaguetwo outs. I tell him Im gonna make him the goddamn hero of the game. All he has to do is lean into the pitch, catch it on his shoulder, and hes won the game for his team. Only problem is, he did it wrong, caught it on the cheek. But the kids have no strength at that age, so it hurts, but nothing permanent or dangerous.
His mom called me up about that one, told me I was being a lousy father, what with the late support payments and putting him in hurt again like that...but I know what it feels like to win. I have felt that before. I have. (beat) And I gave him that.
Im more careful now about what he wants. Thats why the insurance, million dollar insurance policy, and all that. So, cause he asked, Im getting rid of this. (rubbing what remains of his beard) I saw him yesterday for the first time in three months. Three months. He says Im too rough. Like its gonna scratch his hand [if] he goes to touch my face... [It]s gonna send him to the medicine cabinet again for a Band-Aid and AB goo. Gonna need a couple a stitches [because] what I wear on my chin cuts so deep.
I liked the beard but its gone. Like I said, Id do anything for my kid. Gonna make it real smooth.
He thinks Im sad, now that his mom got me on the supervised visits. I want to hate her for that, but I cant ever hate her...and shes a good mom.
He thinks Im sad, now that the docks shut down. He thinks Im sad, because I cant see him much any more...and I sit around the house growing a beard, watchin TV.
He thinks Im sad...thinks I cant get him nothing for Christmas. But Im gonna get him plenty for Christmas.
My boys gonna be a millionaire.
(HE FINISHES SHAVING WITH A STRAIGHT RAZOR)
He thinks Im sad, but Im not, and Im gonna show him that.
(TAKES THE RAZOR TO HIS NECK)
When he comes to the viewing, Ill be wearing two smiles
(LIGHTS OUT QUICKLY AS HE STROKES ACROSS HIS NECK)
© 2002, Brian E. Rochlin
Draft November 15, 2002
"Shaving" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
Performed by Brian Rochlin
Performed by Brian Rochlin