Man, that was a party. You, like, should have so totally been there, right? It started out as a kegger at Bobby’s. You know that run down place of his, with the fucked-up dry rot porch? The one he grew up in...? That his folks left him when they offed it? By the flats. The blue house. Bobby’s house with the busted kiddie pool and the old tree house where braces Elaine took your cherry? The one where you "didn’t" get a blow job from Geek Willy. Yeah, that place.

So, we’re having this kegger–and who has keggers any more–when Gino and Vinnie swing by with the redheads and a couple of cases of primo vodka they lifted from Silverman’s. And you know Gino and Vinnie ain’t got two pennies they can piss on together.

So how it went down is: Gino and Vinnie go to Silverman’s, and Gino’s inside the store, like all in old man Silverman’s face about the prices, slamming that big fist of his on the counter and poking the guy in the chest. I mean, really poking him. Rocking him back.

So old man Silverman pushes the back room button and the three greasers he’s got working come out ready to zip Gino, like they’re Ossama bin hijackers with box cutters and shit. But Gino, smooth as a greased condom, starts pulling back, talking his shit.

So Vinnie.... Can you believe this crap? Vinnie sneaks in the back, loads up one of Silverman’s own handcarts with the vodka and rolls it out. Throws the vodka and the handcart into the back of the Camino. Rocked that truck. The redheads said it made them mess their makeup, but who can tell the difference with all the lipstick they wear.

Gino’s doing his thing up front, but the Mexicans aren’t having any, so Gino pulls the nine he carries and like lets one off. Busts up an entire row of schnapps. There’s like peppermint mixing with watermelon and peach and cinnamon and crazy flavors like you haven’t even heard of, like Ginny Baker and all her drunken fuck nights has never even imagined pouring this combination of shit down her throat to ready the mood. This shit is all over the floor.

Old man Silverman’s mutt comes shuffling out and starts lapping up all that schnapps. You know what a lush that dog is. Silverman yells, "Stop the dog." Them Mexicans forget about Gino and are trying to pull him the fuck off. But you know that dog: three feet of solid body–thicker than your arm...flexed–and no legs. And being the lush that he is, he ain’t moving. But they need to get him before he swallows any glass, and as much Schnapps as there is, there is glass. The Mexicans are crazy pulling at that mutt, because the only thing old man Silverman loves more than his booze and his money is that old mutt.

Mindy, the short redhead with the rack throws one of the bottles of vodka from the truck.... Shatters the window. Can you believe that. So now there’s more glass than Schnapps on the floor and the mutt is lapping like mad. She was just trying to get Gino’s attention, let him know they’re there and they’re running late for the party. You know, time to go.

And with the greasers all caught up in trying to lift this mutt–which musta seemed welded to the floor, the lush–off they go.

So, they show up with the vodka, and already the party is slammin’.

Angie and Shel bring this killer dope. That freak, Jazz, is coked up like his eyes are buggin’ apart. And the tunes are just awesome, like serious old school shit: Zeppelin, that band Ozzy used to be in, AC/DC Back in Black, The Doors, and Night Ranger. Fuckin’ Night Ranger, man.

All of us are waaaay too gone. Like I’m seeing blue parrots and shit. Big talking blue parrots. And I coulda sworn old man Silverman’s dog just floated past the old tree house, blood dripping out its ass.

Fat Eddie is already home, his new suedes covered in the stuff he and Johnny G couldn’t keep down. In the basement though, Geek Willy smoked way too much dope and is hanging all over Gino, while he’s trying to get Mindy to give it up.

Now we’ve all been there when Geek Willy was willing to give us some, but Gino, Gino is too much of a fuckin’ Guinea Wop macho closet phobe to put up with the shit. But Geek Willy is always the first to spring for some ‘za so no one wants to piss him off. Not even Gino. So, usually, he keeps it QT.

But Gino’s thinking this time, this time, Mindy’s gonna go for it. And he didn’t even drop them rooffies in her drink or nothing. So he’s leaning towards Mindy, and Geek Willy’s got his hands starting to unzip Gino’s jeans. And that’s too much for Gino. It’s just too much for that wound up freak.

He spins around on the couch, wraps his beefy left hand around Geek Willy’s fat little neck and starts squeezing. Geek Willy’s face is turning blue, and Mindy is shrieking. Gino starts slapping him. We’re all there now, come down, cause when Mindy shrieks it cuts through even AC/DC.

Just as I’m getting to the bottom of the stairs, so you know this ain’t just some story, man, Geek Willy looks like he’s going to pass out, and Gino says, "Don’t you ever fuckin’ touch me you fuckin’ fag."

Now, we’ve all given Willy some shit, but he’s one of us, plus Vinnie’s gay, so I don’t know why it was such a cut, but goddamn. I’ve never seen anyone so shocked and hurt, and you know, the funny thing is we all were. It was just some fucked up shit, because, who cares who’s gay or straight or anything any more. I mean we’ve all fucked around trying to get off. But damn, it stung. It stung us all. And it stung Geek Willy in ways I can’t even imagine, ‘cause the next thing I know...

Geek Willy’s hand comes up, and he’s got Gino’s Nine in it.

Now, this is just some crazy shit. ‘Cause Geek Willy don’t point it at Gino.

He points it at his own head. Even with Gino’s hand wrapped around his neck.

And now this was freaky: just at that moment, what comes on...the freakin’ Doors.

You know the song. Of course you do. The song. The death song. Yeah, "The End."

Willy’s crying and we’re frozen, and I hate to admit it, but at that moment, I didn’t think this was some crazy shit, or even I’ve got to stop Geek Willy, or even why doesn’t Gino let go of the boy’s neck, or run for cover, or any of the things I should have been thinking. I wasn’t thinking about the dope I’d smoked, the pills I’d popped, the booze I’d flushed. I was thinking one thing, just this one thing. I was thinking...THIS IS COOL. I’m gonna see Geek Willy off himself. Shit, what’s that like?

And it had nothing to do with Geek Willy, nothing to do with this kid...one of us, just...whoah, that’s something new. I imagined what the gunpowder might smell like in that room, and what kind of CSI pattern of blood would be on the wall, and would they come here and use some of that glowing shit even if the blood was still around.

And I swear, every single person in that room was thinking the same thing. Every single person, except redheaded Mindy.

Mindy, with her rack and still a virgin as far as any of us knew. Mindy, in the middle of all this craziness, steps right up to Geek Willy, past Gino, and kisses him.

She kisses him so soft, so so gently, so so gently it was like a prayer, like it was church, like it was a forever kiss, like you always want to be kissed, right there between the nine and Gino’s choking hand.

And the moment her lips met Willy’s the gun fell away, and Gino’s hand fell away, and they kissed, and they kissed like it was Geek Willy keeping Mindy alive, and somebody whooped and...and...and that was it, the party was back like nothing happened.

Everyone left the basement, everyone but me. I just fell back against the wall, one of the bottles of primo in my hand, taking a swig every now and then, thinking three things.