copyright © 2000 Paul Rust

"Jesus Christ, Mickey Mouse, and You" (a monologue) by Paul Rust

Is everyone present, Patty? Great. Well, good evening, everyone. Welcome to another meeting of the Fellowship of Christians Against Media. I am, as you know, your president Lloyd Franklin and I’m glad all of you could make it here tonight.

First off, let’s review last week’s meeting. Of most importance, we decided to change our name to the Fellowship of Christians Against Media after Brother Terry noticed our prior name, God’s Organization for the Destruction of Influential Societal Attitudes in Hate-Oriented Media and Order, actually carried the acronym that spelled G.O.D.I.S.A.H.O.M.O. And you as much as I do not want to imagine God as a fey homosexual cavorting in a bathhouse. I, for one, welcome the change… mostly because Fellowship of Christians Against Media can fit on a t-shirt easier.

Now, let’s move onto this week’s order of business. As promised in last week’s meeting, today we will be talking about something that threatens the lives of good Christians everywhere. That, my friends, is of course the Satan-worshipping media enterprise known as the Walt Disney Company.

As we already know, a few years ago, Disney gave health care benefits to homosexual employees and their gay lovers. Now, if that wasn’t an atrocity enough, they have proceeded to spit more on the face of Christ by adding subtle gay propaganda in their media.

For example, a colleague of mine and I were watching "Tarzan" last Saturday when we noticed something odd in the background. After rewinding and slowing the film down, we discovered much to our horror that 16 frames of background action contained two male apes dirty dancing to Frankie Goes to Hollywood in a gay jungle bar. I will not, however, tell you where in the film this actually occurs since I do not want you to experience it yourself. That would mean eternal damnation in hell for you all. I, of course, am exempted from this because of our earlier agreement in last week’s meeting that frankly God likes me more.

Gay propaganda is not only evident in modern Disney media, but also in its past work. Take for example, the rides at their popular amusement parks. I mean, look at Magic Mountain. They might as well have called that Big Erected Penis Enters Dark Rectum Ride. In fact, I have in my possession actual existing blueprints for this ride with the heading by its architect, "Let’s make this as gay as possible." I have these blueprints with me right now as proof, but due to time constraints, I cannot show them to you. And don’t ask to see them or you’ll… er… turn into a leper or something.

Disney not only slips pro-gay messages into their work, but also anti-Christian messages. Take for example, the names of their supposedly wholesome characters. There’s Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and so on. All of them are alliterations, right? Where else have we heard alliterations in a name… hmmm… ah yes! I believe it was Pontius Pilate, the man who sentenced Jesus to death! Next thing you know, we’ll see Mickey Mouse himself pounding nails into the hands of Jesus Christ!

So what are we to do about this? Let us look to the Holy Bible for guidance (pick up Bible, clear throat). And God said to Abraham, thou shall boycott all Disney products! This reading, of course, comes from… (trail off with "mrph blurf harf").

Now, I know many of you parents are going to complain. You’ll say your children love Disney too much to give it up. Well, I have two responses for that. One, you are awful parents and you’re secretly gay. Two, I have come up with an alternative. I, myself, am somewhat of an artist and have drawn numerous pictures that your children can use to create their own cartoons. For example… (pick up badly drawn pictures and do following puppet show pathetically) "Hey, Mr. Squirrel, what do you wanna' do?" "Not have sex with men!" "Me, too!" "Let's read the Bible!" You can pick these pictures up in the lobby for two dollars each.

So, for faith and guidance, let us end this meeting with my own interpretation of the popular Disney song, "When You Wish Upon a Star."

When you buy Disney products/You’re hereby saying you are gay/And that you’d rather have sex with your own sex/Instead of being in heaven

God bless!


"Jesus Christ, Mickey Mouse, and You" debuted October 13, 2000, performed by Paul Rust.

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