copyright © 2002 Tom Turner

Marco Polo

by Tom Turner

(One man stands alone. He addresses the audience)

Man: Men are from Mars and women are from Venus? No, no, no. It’s much worse then that. The truth is that men and women are like a game of MARCO? POLO! You know the game you used to play in the pool when you were a kid. One kid the "Marco" would close his eyes and the other "Polo" would hide around the pool. The person with their eyes closed would yell out "MARCO?", and then the other would yell out "POLO!" So the poor "MARCO" bastard would try to move toward the sound and try to tag the "POLO". This goes on forever until the "POLO" gets bored and lets the "Marco" TAG her.

This is exactly what dating is like. You go to a bar, get set up by friends, walk your dog…whatever … and you yell out "MARCO"? Maybe someone yells out "POLO"! So you now have someone to play the game and you take off after them.

At dinner you take a turn at being "MARCO" and she’s "POLO" then you pretend what she is saying is interesting until you get close enough to tag her and then she becomes "MARCO" and you’re "POLO". You both go back and forth until the next thing you know you’re having sex! And come on if that’s not a game of "MARCO? POLO!" then what is. There’s lots of liquid involved, with the condom on it’s like having your eyes closed, your both kind of flailing around…

"MARCO? Is it in?"

"POLO! Not yet."

"MARCO? Am I doing it right?"

"POLO! Close but you’re on my HAIR!"

Then comes the biggie. The "MARCO? POLO!" of all "MARCO? POLOS!"

"MARCO? Will you marry me?"

"POLO! Alright! We can play this game for LIFE…or at least 3 to seven years."

Now the real fun begins because new rules are added. Not only do you have to keep your eyes closed but sometimes they decide not to yell back "POLO" after you’ve yelled "MARCO"?

"MARCO? MARCO? Marco? marco? Are you there?"

"ALRIGHT…POLO! But, if you really knew me you’d be able to find me. You would just know where I was without my ever having to say POLO!"

The hard part about the game "MARCO? POLO!" is that it’s always played with your eyes closed. This is fun for a while even exciting because you don’t know where you’re at or who the person you’re chasing is. Sometimes when you opened your eyes you found a best friend or that girl who developed earlier then the other girls, and sometimes if you were really lucky you accidentally got to touch one of her firm young boobs. But a lot of times you ended up touching you fat cousin Larry’s because he was too slow to get away. And now you have to stand there in the cold pool hoping someone really cool will touch you or more often than not, running for your life from fat cousin Larry.

Oh…one last thing, remember that "MARCO? POLO!" is played until you’re all wrinkly and prune-y. See, the game doesn’t end until you’re forced to get out of the pool.





If/when someone yells Polo:

If it’s a guy: "GREAT, I got a fat cousin Larry!"

Girl: " MARRrrRRRRCOOooooOO!" Everyone: "Thank You!"

Copyright ã 2002 Thomas Turner


"Marco Polo" debuted November 8, 2002, performed by Scott McGee.

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