"3 Minute Rule" By, Dave Ulrich SCENE 1 Lights up. This play takes three minutes. A PERSON rushes on to the stage.. PERSON Okay! I'm going to do this as quick as posssible since I only have... what? Three minutes?!? Jeff Goode answers from the house. JEFF GOODE Ideally, yes. PERSON Right. Okay! There's just so much to say... that I have to tell you. You see, I've been in a place that I'm sure many of you can relate to. Most. Maybe. Okay! Right. I mean everyday, there's things, that, you know, you think. I think. And I think: I bet I'm not the only one thinking, the only one that's thought -- this... thing. Like the guy with the cart and the horn and the... thing. And I think -- every time, I think, "Are those homemade Funyions?" And things, you know, less... trivial. You know, less banal. Like... you know. You know? Like, why, even when you know what you need to do, to feel -- fulfilled, you can only motivate yourself for anything but that... thing... and... Dammit! Or I read a thing, and I think, "Are they kidding me?" And we run around doing these things all day and it's dark at five now? And then you hear about the guy in apartment number -- something - and the car and the dying, or the girl and the cancer who's got the dog and you're all wigged out because there's the girl in your life that you... and she's not... or she's got... and then it's like, okay! Right. And so you go ahead... and dammit! Stops. Takes a breath. Then speaks again with a forced steadiness. PERSON Whew. Okay. Right. I'm straying, and time... See I've discovered this... I've had this thought, I think. That might help the kind of people that would be sitting, you know, here -- I mean, where you are... sitting... now. Focus. I'm focusing. Okay! So, it started from a moment. A reaction moment. To something, I don't really -- remember. But I read, heard, saw... a thing. And I thought, "Good lord! It can get you at any time. Just, you know... like that! (snaps fingers) PERSON The... And then.... boop! (gestures) You know? So, what am I waiting for? Death? Okay! Right. Because that's the only thing down the pike that is a certainty, but still... you know? Here we stand. Walk. Sit. Read. Or maybe watch, listen... Dammit! How much? It's like life. This... this three minute rule. You figure out a thing and life is like "Come on! Come on! Come on! Do it! Do the thing, do it now!" Or you know, "Say it." Or... (gesturing at the audience) ... "Share it now! Share it quick!" And you're like, "Wait. Wait I need a second to..." and life goes "Too late! Time's up!" Simultaneously with "Time's up!": JEFF GOODE Time's up! PERSON Motherfucker! Lights out. THE END"3 Minute Rule" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"3 Minute Rule" debuted November 15, 2002,
Person - Chris Clarke
Jeff Goode - Himself