"The Call Button of Harvey Treehorn" By, Dave Ulrich Copyright ©2003 Dave Ulrich Lights up to 3/4. HARVEY is lying diagonal on the floor center stage on his back. In his hand is a Pez dispenser. When he wakes, he realizes that he is lying on the hard ground. He starts to attempt to sit up, but gets overwhelmed with pain and howls out in agony. He raises his hand and presses his thumb on the top of the Pez dispenser. After a beat of HARVEY continuing to lie on his back, FLORENCE enters. Lights to full. FLORENCE May I help you? HARVEY (straining from pain) I do hope so. Nurse, I appear to have fallen from my bed or something. It actually feels like I'm lying on concrete or... FLORENCE Oh, indeed you are. And I am no nurse. HARVEY (still in pain) I'm sorry. I hear what you're saying, but both of those things seem kind of... wrong, I guess. Am I delirious? FLORENCE Perhaps. Maybe this will help. FLORENCE kisses HARVEY's forehead. He smiles blissfully. HARVEY (quite calm) Oh. That was nice. (beat) You're... you're not a nurse? FLORENCE No, I am not. HARVEY But didn't I crash?... I thought that... I remember... Am I dead? FLORENCE Oh no, Harvey. You are quite alive. However, you are rather damaged, my sweet man. HARVEY Will I be okay? FLORENCE I do hope so. HARVEY Well, what did the doctor say? FLORENCE That's not important, Harvey. HARVEY Well, why am I not in bed? Where am I? FLORENCE Oh, my dear, sweet man. You are on the sidewalk, of course. HARVEY But I was... I thought I was in the hospital. FLORENCE You were. HARVEY Why am I here now? FLORENCE Oh Harvey. My lovely man. You don't have insurance! HARVEY So they put me out on the... I've... But I have a call button! He holds it out and pushes repeatedly with his thumb. FLORENCE Harvey. That's a Pez dispenser. It's for comfort. It's psychological. A beat as this lands on him. HARVEY But I have a nurse. I have you. FLORENCE Oh, I'm no nurse. (pause) Why don't you have insurance, Harvey? HARVEY I lost my job. Who are you? FLORENCE I'm Florence. HARVEY (unimpressed) Okay. FLORENCE I am the fairy godmother of the uninsured. HARVEY You are? FLORENCE Oh yes, my dear, sweet, beautiful man. Now, just relax. He strokes Harvey's hair lovingly. HARVEY calms immediately. HARVEY (dream-like pleasure) You are so nice to me Florence. FLORENCE It's why I'm here. HARVEY So very nice... Please don't ever leave me. Say you won't ever leave. FLORENCE Oh, but I have to. HARVEY Why? FLORENCE It's very complicated. HARVEY It's okay. I want you to tell me. Tell me everything. Like a lullaby. I love your voice... it's so... soothing. You're very pretty, too, you know. FLORENCE I know all of that Harvey, it's a job requirement. (a beat) Why don't you have insurance Harvey? HARVEY I told you. I lost my job. FLORENCE (scolding) Harvey. You've never had insurance. HARVEY I... I just couldn't understand why I should pay for something I may never use. FLORENCE But what if you do need to use it? HARVEY Then I'll use my savings. FLORENCE Do you have savings, Harvey? HARVEY Not yet, but as soon as I have a salary that... FLORENCE ... shhhhh. Relax. FLORENCE bends him upright and he takes a sitting position devoid of pain. FLORENCE How do you feel? HARVEY Just fine. I feel fine. No -- I feel great. Maybe better than ever. FLORENCE Please understand Harvey, this is only temporary until I have to go. HARVEY I wish you wouldn't. FLORENCE Oh, but I must, my sweet, sweet Harvey. HARVEY Tell me why. FLORENCE Are you sure you want that? It's quite complicated. HARVEY Yes. Please. FLORENCE sighs and kisses his forehead. He stands faces the audience and begins: FLORENCE As you know Harvey, nothing in this world is simple anymore. There is only more right and less right, but the difference is often too slight for the human eye or the human heart to comprehend. Are you still with me Harvey? HARVEY Yes... I think. FLORENCE Almost every other industrialized country on this planet offers free health care to all of its citizens; all but yours. However, when an important medical procedure is to be performed, where do others come? HARVEY Here? FLORENCE That's right. Because although this country's capitalism is structured to reward brutal business practice, the benefits that society receives -- in technology and skill -- help to compensate for the undoing of its ethics. Do you understand? HARVEY I think so... (dreamily) ... because the greater our skill and prowess the higher we can climb. Therefore, we strive to go further? FLORENCE crouches down and speaks sweetly. FLORENCE That's right Harvey. If we compensate doctors on an infinite scale, they are more prone to rise above competition. So when you need a major surgery, you can trust you are in the best of hands. HARVEY But won't prices reach the point where only the privileged can afford such surgeries? FLORENCE The privileged drive society, and the meek merely watch. One must ask themselves, are the two of equal value? HARVEY That's seems cruel. FLORENCE Shhhh. It's okay Harvey. He kisses the top of HARVEY's head. FLORENCE Just relax. That, dear Harvey, is why we have insurance. To counteract the inflated but very necessary economics. HARVEY But am I so unimportant?... just because I'm not wealthy? FLORENCE I came to you, didn't I? HARVEY But you won't stay. FLORENCE Harvey, the budget only allows for two hundred and sixty seven of us. Most of the uninsured won't have anyone come at all. You should appreciate the things you do have. HARVEY Like my health? FLORENCE Oh, Harvey. (with a warm smile) You were the hardest one today. I'm sorry I must leave you. I truly am. Now good day. He lowers HARVEY back onto the ground. HARVEY No Florence, don't... He touches HARVEY's head once more and exits. Lights back to 3/4. HARVEY lies there for a moment. He starts to convulse a little and stiffly. He moans in pain. TWO PEDESTRIANS walk by and hesitate in front of HARVEY. PEDESTRIAN #1 tosses a quarter at him. PEDESTRIAN #1 Is that a... he's got a Pez dispenser!?! PEDESTRIAN #2 How cute. (a beat) I mean sad. (a beat) Come on. PEDESTRIAN #2 rushes off dragging PEDESTRIAN #1 with them. Blackout. THE END"The Call Button Of Harvey Treehorn" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"The Call Button Of Harvey Treehorn" debuted January 10, 2003 directed by Amy Lynn Pigott with the following cast:
HARVEY - Christopher Clarke
FLORENCE - Eric Johnson
PEDESTRIAN #1 - Tory Seiter
PEDESTRIAN #2 - Jeff Goode