(The scene is in a fast food restaurant, at the beginning of a shift. The manager is talking to the cook, while the cashier is at the register.)

MANAGER: What do you mean we’re out?

COOK: I mean the freezer’s empty.

MANAGER: Well, check the walk-in.

COOK: I’ve checked the walk-in. It’s empty, too.

MANAGER: That can’t be. We just re-stocked yesterday.

COOK: This was all I could find.

(The cook holds up two bags from the freezer.)

MANAGER: That’s all?

COOK: Five buns and two fish patties.

(The cashier looks out and see a tour bus pull up.)

CASHIER: Oh crap.

MANAGER: What’s wrong?

CASHIER: Look what just pulled up.

(The manager looks out.)

MANAGER: Oh crap is right.

CASHIER: I hate buses.

MANAGER: Must be a tour group from that big revival they’re having.

CASHIER: So what are we going to do?

MANAGER: What else can we do? Toss those in the fryer.

CASHIER: Two fish patties aren’t going to go very far with that crowd.

COOK: Whatever you say. Not my problem.

MANAGER: I’ll be right back.

(The manager gets ready to exit.)

CASHIER: Where are you going?

MANAGER: To the warehouse to get more food. You stall ‘em.

CASHIER: Stall ‘em? How am I supposed to stall ‘em?

MANAGER: I don’t know. You’re a smart kid. You’ll figure out something. Back in a jiffy.

(Manager exits.)

COOK: Don’t look at me. I just work in the kitchen.

(Cook exits to the kitchen.)

CASHIER: Oh God, oh God, oh God, why did I ever take this lousy job? Oh God, please.

(Customer enters, looking at the menu board. The cashier brightens, or at least pretends to.)

Welcome to Captain Jay’s Fish House; may I take your order, please?

CUSTOMER (with a beatific smile): Yes, I believe you can.

CASHIER: Take your time. Take all the time you need.

CUSTOMER: Now I should warn you: I’ve got a rather large order here; I’m with the bus out there.

CASHIER: That might take a while then.

CUSTOMER: That’s OK. I’ll try to simplify it for you. How about your fish basket special?

CASHIER (shouts to cook): Fish basket special.

CUSTOMER: We’ll all have the fish basket special.

CASHIER: And how many people do you have in your group?

CUSTOMER: Oh, I haven’t counted, really. I started with 12. Now it’s multitudes, I suppose. Maybe you should start just cooking while I count my people, eh?

CASHIER (shouts to cook): Fish basket special!

CUSTOMER: It’s a pretty hungry group; maybe you should just fix all you can; I don’t think you’ll have to worry about any leftovers.

CASHIER: Oh, I wasn’t worried about that. (Shouts nervously to cook): Fish basket special! Lots of ‘em! (She returns to customer) Now, large orders may take some time, you realize.

(The cook puts up an order.)

COOK: Order up!

CASHIER: Oh, here you go. One fish basket special.

(The cashier hands the tray to the customer. The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up!

(The cashier hands the second tray to the customer.)

CASHIER: And here’s the other one. (To the cook) Uh, that was sure quick. (To the customer) Now the rest may take a little longer; see, we’re kind of short-handed at the moment and – maybe you just want to wait outside and I’ll bring them to you?

CUSTOMER: Bless you.

(The customer leaves with his two orders; the cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up!

(The cashier is surprised, and goes to the cook.)

CASHIER: What’s this?

(The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up!

CASHIER: I thought we only had two fish patties.

COOK: Yeah, I did too.

(The cook puts up another order.)

Order up!

CASHIER: So what’s going on? Do these buns have anything on them?

COOK: Of course they have something on them.

(The cook puts up another order.)

Order up!

CASHIER: I mean besides our secret sauce!

(She looks into the buns, and finds a patty in each one.)

Hey, where’d these come from?

(The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up!

CASHIER: And will you stop saying "order up!" I’m right here.

COOK: Sorry. They taught us in training we should always call out "order up."

(The cook puts up another order.)

Order up!

CASHIER: Where are you getting all these fish patties?

COOK: I dunno. They’re just here, OK?

CASHIER: You mean someone left ‘em in the fryer all day and all night? Oh gross. Wait’ll the health inspector finds out about that; you know what happened last time.

(The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up! I cleaned out the fryer at the top of my shift. I don’t know where they came from, OK? Don’t worry about it.

(The cook puts up another order.)

Order up!

CASHIER: And what about the buns? Where’d they come from?

COOK: I dunno. Where do buns usually come from?

CASHIER: I dunno. The pantry?

(The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up!

CASHIER: But you said we were out!

COOK: Well, I was wrong, OK?

(The cook puts up another order.)

Order up!

CASHIER (exasperated): Oh!

COOK: You might want to start taking out some of these orders. I’m gonna need some more space, OK?

(The cook puts up another order.)

Order up!

(The cashier starts piling orders on a tray. Manager enters, carrying a few bags of groceries.)

MANAGER: This is all I could find. This should hold them a while but then we’ll have to close early or –

(The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Order up!

(The manager looks around.)

MANAGER: Hey, what’s going on?

(The cook puts up another order.)

COOK: Can’t talk! Busy! Order up!

------------------ THE END ------------------