Howard: Many of you have watched me in No Shame theater before, seen me around campus, and thought ďHey, this is a halfway good looking guy who is smart and funny. Iíll bet he gets laid a lot!Ē. Nothing could be further from the truth. With this in mind the Get Howard Laid Foundation, in conjunction with No Shame Theater, has started the first annual Have Sex With Howard Zimmerle Contest.
Winners will get the once in a lifetime opportunity to have sexual intercourse with me, Howard Zimmerle. Just write your name and phone number on a 3X5 note card and send it to Contest, PO Box 37425, Cedar Falls IA, 50613. Winners will be drawn at random until every entrant has been chosen.
Eligibility requirements for the contest: each entrant must be at least 3 years old, and no more than 107, must at least resemble a female, and uhh... thatís about it. Entrants donít even have to be conscious or have the correct number of limbs. I just want to get laid that bad. I would appreciate it if all entrants were alive, or at least only recently deceased, but hey... beggars canít be choosers.
That address once again is Contest, PO Box 37425, Cedar Falls IA, 50613. All entries must be postmarked by May 1st, 2001. Thank you!"A Contest" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR